Sunderland 1 Newcastle 0 – Sunday 14 December 2025 2pm
Okay, that’s it, Christmas is canceled.
I don’t understand why people would want to read this.
Perhaps the search for some kind of validation, or a built-in touch of masochism that comes with supporting Newcastle (or Sunderland for that matter).
Spoiler alert, I can offer no outlet other than to confirm that this was completely awful.
I had a slightly awkward moment in March when, shortly after returning from the League Cup final, a relative asked me where it was in the best days of my life. With my wife and three children in the room, I went for a no-obligation ‘top five’ response that everyone was happy with.
This time the question is where this ranks among the worst days I’ve experienced, and there aren’t many happy rooms anywhere on Tyneside tonight.
There are a few reasons why I’m not going to give a detailed overview of the match.
First of all, I don’t want to, because reliving this truly horrible spectacle isn’t something I really want to do.
Secondly, this was a match that was so lacking in quality and notable moments that I’m struggling to figure out what to post.
I’m sure the three shots on target the teams mustered between them all came in the second half, so let’s focus on the worst parts of the first.
For starters, Eddie Howe got his team selection wrong. Gordon was great in Leverkusen and showed signs of his old self but turned in a woeful performance on the left. Elanga was arguably worse on the right, seemingly called upon to scare the Mackems with pace, but looked overwhelmed by the derby occasion, the pressure of settling into a Newcastle shirt, or both. He regularly misplaced passes or ran out of play and any hint of getting balls into the box would have been fruitless given Woltemade’s deep-seated anonymity, which was barely noticeable with one dreadful exception.
United looked pretty solid at the back and perhaps the best player in the dark blue was Dan Burn, driving the defense as ever. This match really started to get away from us when Burn had to be withdrawn before half-time after a collision with Mukiele left him requiring lengthy treatment. The mackem was booked for this, but perhaps it should have been more as he clearly left his knee after a 50/50 tackle, with Burn apparently suffering rib damage.
If there’s a break, he’ll definitely get a spell, and a sighting of the less spotted Botman would be very welcome relatively soon.
Something that needs to be said here, though, is that Sunderland weren’t good either. I’ve seen comments about them wanting more or being the better team, but this was still a fairly toothless performance from the home side, with the strange event that decided the game adding quite a shine to the game.
Best address yet. After seeing the break at 0-0 (which we all could have taken, I’m sure), the second half had barely started when disaster struck. Mukiele sent a cross that Nick Woltemade attacked in what can only be described as a moment of utter mind-boggling madness. His header was neither safely away nor close to Ramsdale, leaving the keeper without a chance. By the way, the misery of seeing their stadium rise around you from the far side is absolutely the worst.
The rest of the game barely deserves a paragraph.
Bruno was probably our only player to give a half-decent account of himself and he had both shots on target. Neither were too challenging for Roefs, who rallied comfortably.
They responded with a single effort of their own, which Ramsdale had to deal with the same. A truly terrible game, but at least the mackems can say that they managed to keep going, and that they could have found an extra outfit if Big Nick had never intervened on their behalf. This was Newcastle trying to save a derby match and it was pathetic beyond words.
When these insipid performances at West Ham and Brentford were posted, I feared that such a nightmare could happen here and that this set of players would be duly delivered eleven days before Christmas to remain five places behind the enemy. Cheers guys, son is crying.
The fact that there was no fight, grit or grit in this sad performance is painful on many levels. It’s bad enough to lose the day, but the resulting loss of ground and the overall decline we’ve seen this season suggests we’ll do little better than mid-range in the long run. After the great turnout over the past four years, there is a growing feeling that this fine team may have run its race.
The big question is whether Eddie Howe will take the reins to restructure the team, or whether he has gone to the extreme himself. I’ve always said that the man who finally brought us a trophy would be untouchable if it eventually came, and it feels inappropriate to talk this way just nine months after the event, but this unmotivated, miserable drivel lacks attacking innovation or tactical knowledge, and it’s not the first time this season.
We were at least spared the ignominy of a larger losing margin as the standard stoppage time concession was avoided, but this was little consolation as the Mackems made a mockery of our celebratory photo in front of the stand last year with an effort of their own. It doesn’t really work on their own turf, but when you make this kind of apology or display, you deserve this kind of grief and when you give it out, you have to take it back.
There are some crumbs. If you lose the derby when it is a) away and b) the first of the season, you get the chance to put things right in the foreseeable future. This should be in March (despite an FA Cup date, and a bit of an unlikely prospect with them at Everton and us against Bournemouth’s Achilles heel), but there is still some reassurance that this may not happen as the match will clash with the Cup Final, which we still hold out hope of competing again. This will be tested next time against Fulham and while a win won’t come close to eradicating this memory, it would be a start.
Bruno spoke with great, full-blooded regret after the match, apologizing and calling out the weak passing, the penetrating and blunt attack. Howe was far less impressive, as he essentially failed to recognize the shortcomings and gave little hope that a U-turn would be made anytime soon.
This could be a blip that we look back on in another great season, but it could also be a day of reckoning that we look back on with nostalgia. For me personally it was a bit of a low point. My seventh trip to the Stadium of Light brought a first defeat with four wins and two draws. The fact that the high points total excluded all my friends made for a rather lonely afternoon, despite bouncing around the usual familiar faces when I got there.
Having decided to still go with my Jack Jones, I opted to use the club’s official buses and it was a crushingly long and unhappy journey back. About 40 minutes of sitting in the stadium parking lot, followed by a miserable trip on the A1. To whoever rang the bus stop bell repeatedly on the way back, I actually feel more ill will towards you than anyone associated with Sunderland today. You deserve to be locked in a room and forced to watch this match on repeat for about five weeks.
As a result, when I finally got back to Newcastle it felt like it was about 3am and the mood was very much derby defeat. A mixture of silent, miserable reflection and moments of argument and argument between friends and strangers, made for a thoroughly terrible end to a terrible day. The celebratory bake I got was lukewarm at best and even though it felt like club hours, I still would have come home for Last of the Summer Wine if it was still on or if I had ever seen it.
I’m away now doing something else and won’t be thinking about football at all until Wednesday and I recommend you do the same. Awful, wretchedly awful, if you wanted this one back in the top flight for the derbies then look at yourself and remember this feeling.
Sunderland 1 Newcastle 0 – Sunday 14 December 2025 2pm
Match statistics
Goals:
Newcastle United:
Sunderland:
Woltemade OG 46
Possess was Newcastle 54% Sunderland 46%
Total shots were Newcastle 6 Sunderland 5
Shots on target were Newcastle 2 Sunderland 1
Corners were Newcastle 6 Sunderland 3
Touches in the opposition box Newcastle 14 Sunderland 14
Newcastle team vs Sunderland:
Ramsdale, Livramento, Thiaw, Burn (Schar 42), Hall, Tonali (Willock 59), Miley, Bruno, Gordon (Barnes 59), Woltemade (Wissa 75), Elanga (Jacob Murphy 59)
Unused subs:
Ruddy, Joelinton, Alex Murphy, Ramsey
You can follow the author on BlueSky @bigjimwinsalot.bsky.social
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