Dear Eric: I am a lesbian in my late 60s. I recently had a dream of a woman I knew in the 1970s.
I was really taken by her; Although I knew that I was gay and confused, I got married to my boyfriend. But she and I and other friends went coffee breaks for a few years and she was always opposite me. Sometimes I caught staring at me and her face would turn red.
At the time I was afraid to approach and ask a woman on a date, as many of us were.
Now back to 2025, I am single, and I thought I would visit her and say hello. I saw several websites and media sites that she was not married and never was. What were the opportunities because she was so beautiful then?
So I called her house and nobody picked up and I left a message. I tried to send her a message on Facebook, and to my surprise I couldn’t send her a message because she blocked me. That was so strange. What did I do?
So I drove to where she lived and when she came out of her house, I cried her. She said she didn’t know me and I could see that she was lying because she got nervous. So I just dropped the whole thing. I didn’t want to scare her and let her think that I was a madman.
This really disturbs me because I asked a friend of hers about the situation and the friend also bumped me. What’s going on? Can’t get answers. What is your opinion about this?
– Later Love
Dear love: There is something else going on here. Let this start again.
There is a version of this scenario that takes place like a film. But the Facebook block, the personal interaction and the reaction of your other friend suggest that this plot line is not a shared goal.
No, they don’t suggest it. They are emphatically.
Part of this behavior is worrying – for example going to her house is a step too far. So check your thinking and perform ideas by your friends before you do them, in the future.
Part of the energy that you wanted in the past, but could not have this interaction in the present because of the social pressure. That does not mean that you are not worth a connection. You are. This was not the right one and she tried to make it clear by not responding to your phone call.
When testing the waters, it is important to pay attention to non -verbal signals and to respect the boundaries of people. Try a cooler approach in the future. The person who is for you fits your energy.
Dear Eric: My beautiful best friend/daughter died of breast cancer seven months ago.
I was her caregiver for almost three years and I was destroyed by losing her.
I tried it a few times after she died to write thank you to those who sent flowers, did food dropoffs and visited. But I get hysterical and just put it aside for another day. I gave a few cards to her best friends and thanked others through personal messages on social media.
Is it ever considered too late to send thank you cards that recognize those who were there for my daughter and myself during her illness and funeral services and how much did she appreciate?
– still in grief
Best still in grief: I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You have experienced something terrible and there is no time schedule for how you navigate after this period. And that includes thank you.
So a short answer: it is never too late to send them. You don’t have to send them at all.
Sadness is seismic, it always evolves and it changes the course of our lives. Often the fundamental things in life – eating, paying accounts – become a challenge. And those who know us, or know how all -embracing sadness can be, understand that. So trust that your friends and loved ones are not waiting at the mailbox for your answer to their gesture.
Even if there are people in your circle waiting for a thank you note, or a recognition that what they have made a difference, it can be on your schedule.
The most important priority is that you allow yourself the time to heal. Your response to the notes you have tried to write, tells you what you really need. It’s not time yet. And if it’s never time, that’s ok.
Those who contacted were not looking for thanks; They wanted to give you comfort. It is good to find comfort in that comfort without asking of yourself.
Send ask for R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter on Rericthomas.com.
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