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When Andrea’s husband died, their mixed family was ‘immediately decimated’
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When Andrea’s husband died, their mixed family was ‘immediately decimated’

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One in ten Australian families with children is a step or mixed family. Insight investigates the complexity that occur when these families separate and asks who is considered a family when mixing ends. View Insight Episode Unlining families on SBS On Demand.
When Andrea Gaynor entered her second marriage with “The Love of [her] Life “Alan, both brought children from earlier relationships; she had two and he had three.
“In my opinion we have combined families very successfully. They were of similar ages, so they all got along very well …” Andrea told Insight.

“We [were] A very, very happy mixed family. “

What Andrea thinks, however, was a harmonious family of seven split shortly after Alan established a brain tumor.
“Almost immediately our step family family decimated … It was a very difficult time.”
Alan was immediately undergone brain surgery and Andrea had been taking care of him for more than a year.

Alan died 15 months after his diagnosis – Marking the end of their time as a family of seven.

Brittany and Andrea today. Source: Delivered

Andrea says she still thinks about her time with Alan and their families as the best time of her life.

Despite the first hope of maintaining a connection, the family lost contact in what Andrea recognized was a difficult time over the years.
“I think I visualized that we continue a kind of relationship … come around once a month for dinner or do something together,” she said.

“But unfortunately no, we didn’t do that.”

Step and mixed families in Australia

Although somewhat used together, the Australian Bureau of Statistics Step and Blended families defines differently.
A stepping silence is defined as a few family that has no biological or adopted children together, but have at least one stepchild from both partner. A mixed family is a few family who has at least one biological or adopted child together and at least one stepchild.
A little more than one in 10 (12 percent) of the Australian families with children is a step family family or mixed family, according to the Census 2021.

More specifically, step families and mixed families represent 8 percent and 4 percent of family families with dependent children – according to a report from the Australian Institute or families from 2023.

‘Boom, she was gone’

Just like Andrea, Emma-Jane Molan knows that maintaining contact with step families after a divorce can be difficult.
Emma did not live with her father and stepmother Margaret Full -time, but she visited them every second weekend and a few school holidays.
While Emma was able to get along well with her older step brother Graham, she says the fact that he lived with her father full-time, “a little jealousy” in her bred-a emotion that she could not identify at the time.

“You just have this feeling of perhaps a resort to your step brother, but you still really love your step brother.”

A blond woman of middle age in a black suit and with a red lipstick laughs for a stone background

Emma has a lot of preference for her stepmother and step brother with whom she lost contact almost 40 years ago. Source: SBS

After almost a decade together, Emma’s father and stepmother, whom she worshiped and looked up, divorced in the late 1980s.

“She was there, and then boom, she was gone. And so my step brother was gone.”

Emma says she saw Margaret and Graham a few times after the divorce, but without today’s technology it was difficult to maintain contact.

She fears that taking her husband’s last name has influenced her chances of making contact with them again.
“I am no longer a Ryan … so even if they heard I was looking, maybe they would not realize it is me,” Emma said.

“I searched them for almost 40 years. I can’t find them.”

‘It’s a connection that I want to keep’

David has indeed maintained contact with the daughter Rosie from his ex-girlfriend Koraly after their family Unblended.
Koraly and David were together for five years – and the three of them lived together for two years – before they realized that they were much better than friends.
When the couple separated a few years ago“ David did not see Koraly for a few months, but continued to spend time with Rosie.

Eventually they decided to continue their family dynamics, where David and Rosie continue their friendship.

A middle -aged woman, young woman and husband of middle age smile in a camera who takes a selfie for a lake

Koraly, Rosie and David on vacation. Source: Delivered

“I never see them having a close relationship,” Koraly said in Insight.

“[David and me] Maybe not as close as we were when we had other partners … but I think he would be in my life. “
David says that although his relationship with Koraly is over, he still wants to play an important role in Rosie’s life.

“It is a connection that I want to keep for the rest of my life.”

Maintaining contact with Stepkids after divorce

The separation of parents in step and blending families often makes relationships more difficult with their respective stepchildren.
Family lawyer Nicole Smith says that applying for parental responsibility through the Family Court and the search for orders to spend time with the child is another way in which a former step -parent can continue their relationship with a former stepchild.

“They would [parents] In that application … and otherwise you can have an informal type of setup. “

The absence of an up-to-date will can also see problems in step families when one of the parents dies.
“There may also be difficulties with regard to if a child has no guardian mentioned in the will. So, ideally, a parent would nominate a guardian,” Smith said.
“If they nominate the stepparent as the guardian, the step -parent will jointly be guardian with the remaining surviving parent – unless the surviving parent [of the child] objects. “
Although not leaving the inheritance to stepchildren a conscious decision was made by some stepparents, Smith emphasizes that an incomplete also has an influence on the inheritance.

“If there is no will, this may mean that a child that if it is treated – if a stepchild – would not really receive part of the inheritance,” Smith said.

“Why shouldn’t I keep looking?”

“We have explained our testaments. If one of us succeeded, our children would receive our parts of the will,” Emma said.

“We didn’t shared each other. We both saw to take care of ourselves … We both experienced a lot … so that was very easy.”

A side by side of the same young girl at different ages. Left: holding a lunch box in a back garden and right: sitting and smiling in a field

Emma as a child. Source: Delivered

Just like many others, she remains curious about the step -group where she was once close.

“I would like to have answered some questions and just to see what happened to them.
Is ” [my stepmother] Okay? What did my step brother ultimately do for a living? “
When asked if she would ever give up hope to find them, Emma said that the curiosity she had for almost 40 years would not disappear.

“I have such beautiful memories of them, so why shouldn’t I keep looking? You know, maybe someone knows they are there.”

The desire to connect again is not so clear to others from non-mixed families.
Fifteen years after the death of her stepfather Alan, Andrea’s 28-year-old daughter Brittany Martin has very positive memories with her steps of step, but is not sure if she wants to connect again.
“There is a part of me that would do. But at the same time I don’t want that,” she said.
“Because I know that things will never be the way they were.”

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