I’m in a pub less than a mile south of the BayArena, it’s Tuesday, on Wednesday Bayer Leverkusen plays Newcastle United.
The regulars are looking forward to the very early kick-off on Tuesday (4:30 PM German time) between KAI and OLY.
Well, that’s what the DAZN reporting says. I suspect the match on Wednesday (9pm local) will be BAY v NEW. Or maybe LEV are the opponents.
As things stand – they love that phrase on cliché TV, don’t they – I am among the many Newcastle United fans looking for a ticket.
A large number of them visited the Bayer Leverkusen club shop on Tuesday.
Two of them even asked the assistant behind the counter, who was happy to sell half-and-half scarves for almost twenty euros each, if there were still seats. If that isn’t the epitome of blind optimism, what is?
Yet shy children suffer from it. Unfortunately for Tom and Cohen, from Donny, the answer was negative.
They wanted to know if they would be turned away if they bought tickets on a third-party site and tried to enter a home section of the stadium. This was a bit lost in translation, but the response was “probably not, if you keep your mouth shut.”
Was there an area of the BayArena where fans could stand together?
This confused the assistant until I intervened with the words “neutral zone”. Who would have thought that? She understood immediately.
Anyway, the answer was again “no” or rather “nein”. If she had meant nine, she would have been buried under a waterfall of 100 euro notes. . .
Dan, Emily, Nico and Harry, from Whitburn, were in a better position before the race. They had tickets thanks to loyalty points. Unfortunately, only the two among the four.
How would Mom solve this riddle?
Easy: she bought three on a Dutch ticket website. No sooner said than done. Or rather, said rather than revoked, when the site’s operators immediately noticed the northeast zip code. At least they got a full refund.
The BayArena is a spectacular stadium, but it is more difficult for thousands of Toon Army foot soldiers to penetrate than Fort Knox.
As football venues are called, it is the spatial opposite of the Tardis. You know how real estate agents like to market a house by saying that it’s actually so much bigger than it looks from the outside?
Well, Leverkusen has done this trick in reverse. As you approach the stadium from Bismarck Strasse (German urban planners love a historical figure) it looks fantastic, a true feast of steel and concrete.
OK, there’s a superior four-star hotel built on the north side, which gives a clear view of the field if you’re willing to pay VIP prices for a special seat in the VIP bar, but the stadium capacity of around 33,000 is almost unfathomable.
It looks for all the world like a 50,000 orbit. The seats must have enormous legroom. And back room. Social distancing, Leverkusen style. I can’t believe Covid-19 would ever have been an issue at the BayArena, even if a game was sold out.
Tonight is, in case you didn’t know. Anyway, Bayer’s headquarters aren’t far away if you’re feeling a little rough.
The landlord of my apartment had recommended a brauhaus a few minutes north of the stadium, so I strolled down Bismarck Strasse, which the local comedians have renamed Xabi Alonso Allee, to be greeted by a young bartender eager to practice her English. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Turns out Emma is an avid Leverkusen fan and is backing the northern goal when her father has a spare ticket.
We got to talking, in the interests of the investigation, although she almost destroyed my faith in humanity when she said ‘Manchester’ instead of ‘Newcastle’. Luckily I was in a forgiving mood. Don’t think she noticed my death glare.
Anyway, sweet Emma works on match day, not in the brauhaus but in the bar of the chic hotel next to the BayArena. She is on duty from 5pm and punters will flock in to watch one of the early Champions League matches on TV before heading to the turnstiles if they have tickets. Maybe QAR v AJA will be on DAZN.
I was making a mental note to meet my friends before kick-off at Emma’s bar when she popped the question. No, not that one, don’t be so ridiculous. Did I have a ticket?
“No,” I replied, trying to play the sympathy card and shedding a flood of tears.
“Maybe I can help you…”
Now I must declare at this point that when I first met the eternally beautiful Mrs. R in January 1981, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. That was quite a sensation for a devout atheist. Every day I thank my lucky stars instead of praying to a non-existent deity. By the way, do you know the definition of an atheist? John Buchan said it was someone who had no invisible means of support. Hats off to the author of 39 Steps!
Back to dear Emma. This wasn’t a moment to go to heaven, it wasn’t even close, but I had a grin as wide as Konrad Adenauer Platz, just around the corner from Gustav Heinemann Strasse. See what I mean: there’s West Germany’s first post-war chancellor and a national president without even trying.
As I write this, Emma is making inquiries on my behalf. She promised to call if there is good news. I’ll keep you informed.
The brauhaus is one of the few drinking establishments near the stadium, which is surrounded by many low-rise homes. Without wanting to use all Homes Under The Hammer, it is located in a quiet residential area with thousands of trees. Ooh, Martin! In summer their foliage must almost hide the BayArena. The main road is closed to cars from an hour before kick-off until an hour afterwards. It’s less of an out-of-town location and more of a neighborhood deep in the suburbs.
The brauhaus closes at 10 p.m., but the bar in the stadium hotel remains open at least until midnight.
I found the pub where I write, clearly a stronghold of Leverkusen, just 200 meters from my apartment. I say 200 meters, that’s the official distance. That doesn’t apply to an idiot with virtually no sense of direction, who retraced his steps and turned back several times on Tuesday. I got my 10,000; and the rest.
The landlady says it will also be served late. Especially if the home team wins and overtakes Newcastle United in the table, presumably.
It is located next to Zeppelin Strasse. Named after Ferdinand von Z, inventor of the rigid airship, 1838-1917, in case you were wondering. Not Robert Plant’s backing band , , ,
Ticket or no ticket, this is one of the best trips I have ever taken.
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