Jurickson Professor ever busted for PEDs? Oops. Caught twice? You’re kidding, who do you think you are, ARod? You’re not even a power hitter. What are you trying to do? Come on, man! You really seem like a dummy. I have no sympathy for Jurickson Profar, having had all the sympathy in the world for him after his first suspension. Here’s Gray: 100% tolerance for zero tolerance. I would never have been suspended twice because after my first suspension my moms would have locked me in the closet and made me eat all the PEDs I had and wouldn’t let me out until I was done.
Spencer Schwellenbach (elbow surgery)
Hurston Waldrep (elbow surgery)
Jurickson Profar (suspended for the season)
Spencer Strider (throws meatballs)
Those are the Braves from last week. Braves might not make it to April. I saw that Dominic Smith was now projected as the Braves’ DH and I had to laugh. That’s the most “Oh, okay” I’ve had in a while. The Braves depth chart is so ugly too. What if Nacho Alvarez Jr. was your Alvarez? So Jurickson Profar tried to get a pop and got a pop – twice – and was removed from the top 60 outfielders. As always, my top 500 and all of my 2026 fantasy baseball rankings will be updated as soon as possible. Additionally, Rudy’s War Room is updated several times a day and seasonal subscriptions are open. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for fantasy baseball 2026:
PSYCHE! RazzSlam starts today, no timeout or Truss will replace you with one of those drinking birds Homer used on his keyboard. Anyway II, the summary:
Connor Griffin – It’s that moment in the program where I tell you that Spring Training stats don’t matter, but I’m also about to fly into a house like in The World. According to Garp, I’m so excited about Konnor Griffin. BDon and I discuss my thoughts on Griffin in detail in this week’s pod. If Griffin spends three to four weeks in the minors, he’s worth drafting where I know he is in the shortstop rankings. I can’t imagine the Pirates keeping him around any longer. By some small miracle, if he signs a long-term contract that puts him on the Opening Day roster, I’ll move him up further, and around the end of the top 100.
Kevin McGonigle – Yes, I moved it upstairs too. Call them Kevinnor McGriffinigle, and dock me at the Portmanteau for the evening! For McGonigle, take my Konnor Griffin enthusiasm and subtract 30%. Moved him up the shortstop rankings and now has him in RCL range. You don’t have to be a Cyclops with a monocle to see McGonigle’s talent, but his strength and speed are slightly inferior to Griffin’s. Don’t think he’ll break camp either, but if the chance is slim he will, and as a stock he’s not a bad flier.
Michael Conforto – Signed with the Cubs. After leading the Dodgers to the 2025 World Championship, he will look to do the same for the Cubs. He has a lot of work to do, but if anyone can do it.
Thairo Estrada – Signed with the O’s. Orioles go through Kewpie, Hellmann’s, Duke’s and Miracle Whip before thinking of Coby.
Merrill Kelly – Won’t be ready for opening day because of his back. Merrilly, Merrilly, Merrilly, life is just a dream where starters can’t stay healthy. Updated the Top 60 Starters and Pitchers link tool. The most important thing was that I would no longer draft him. It sounds too ominous when someone says he doesn’t know why his back is hurting, which is what Kelly said.
Max Scherzer – Re-signed a Roger Clemens deal with the Jays. You know, that’s when a guy slow rolls his entire season and comes back around July-August and is ready for the playoffs. I’m not sure why more vets don’t sign one of these. I’d like to sign one. Someone sign me one!
Johan Rojas – Suspended for 80 games. Rojas caught red-handed! Bam! [waits for a high five that never comes, lowers head, walks away, tries to kick a rock but stubs toe, sobs quietly]
Blake Snell – Dave Roberts said Blake Snell is dealing with a shoulder issue. He said it ominously, wearing a sheet with eyes cut out like a ghost. I didn’t draft Snell in any league at any point this year, but I ended up moving him down a bit. If you don’t know my feelings about a player, it’s because you don’t read what I say with speech to test…test…TEXT. Snell is now in the top 40 starters, but I would continue to ignore it.
Josh Hader – It’s becoming less and less likely that he’ll be ready for Opening Day, which is a shame because I thought he’d get a nice discount. Shows you that the only real fun discounts in this life are the “just five seconds on the floor” discounts on raw chicken. He was moved down the top 500 and Bryan Abreu was pushed up.
Quinn Priester – Maybe not ready for Opening Day, but the Brewers appear to want to slow down their starters since the season is long and they have $5 million to sign someone and will trade a big name at the deadline. I didn’t move Priester in the rankings. Don’t think it’s a thing yet, seems to come from an abundance of caution.
Giancarlo Stanton – Says his elbow is so bad he can’t open a bag of chips. If I’m a reliever, and the game is on the line, I throw him a bag of Lay’s.
Alex Verdugo – Signed a deal with the Padres. Alex Verdugo to the Padres is one of those super-under-the-radar moves that turns into nothing and makes you wonder why you ever read an update about it. Maybe I even feel that now!
Matt Waldron – Out indefinitely with an infection in his backside. Sounds like he’s a little behind. He has our first TMI-L. The dangers of a backend starter.
Jos Jung – Dealing with a grade 1 adductor strain; Josh Lowe has an oblique injury; Kyle Stowers has a mild hamstring strain and Bryce Miller needed an MRI due to left side inflammation. I keep track of all injuries, but there were no reasons to move them in the rankings. Yet. They will all be healthy on opening day, or I will adjust them in a week or two if they are not.
Zac Veen – Not sure if you heard, but Veen showed up to camp 43 pounds heavier. Since the start of camp, he has gained 17 pounds, and he hopes to be 350 pounds by April, while his goal weight will be 700 pounds by July. Zac Veen is in the best shape of his life.
#Jurixnay #train #thought