3 Signs You Need Control of Your Parents’ Finances – MoneySense

These episodes, combined with my mother’s observations of increasing forgetfulness and compulsive behavior, prompted us to have him medically tested. The diagnosis was immediate: early dementia. His doctor has revoked his license and ordered me to immediately take control of his finances. It was then that my family and I were introduced to a harsh reality. While we all expect our parents to grow older and need help, the sudden immersion in dealing with one’s declining health can be jarring and leave us unprepared for the caregiving responsibilities that await us.

Warning signs that you may need to intervene

Many of the symptoms may seem quite harmless and subtle at first, but if you notice that they occur frequently and consistently, they could be warning signs to diagnose. These may include:

• Repeated conversations: Constantly circling around the same pattern of obsessive thoughts.

• Not recognizing familiar faces: Several times my father failed to recognize old family friends with whom he once spoke regularly. There were times when he didn’t even understand who I was, which was so discouraging.

• Social withdrawal: As health problems increase, the person’s social circle slowly and dramatically shrinks. As my father’s condition progressed, both my parents separated from their rather large social networks. COVID-19 has accelerated the process.

A job you never applied for

This behavior is often more disturbing to family members than to the person with the health problems.

If you’re reading this and thinking about your own aging parents—or if you’re already in the thick of it like I still am—you’re not alone. According to a 2022 report from Statistics CanadaAbout one in four Canadians aged 15 and older (7.8 million people) provided care to a family member or friend with a long-term health condition, disability or problems related to aging. These 2018 figures likely underestimate the true prevalence of caregiving, especially in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, which increased demand for elderly care.

Managing your parents’ finances can feel like a full-time job. I’ve been on this journey for six years now and it’s been an endless rollercoaster of calls, emails and appointments with banks and service providers. It’s hard enough to keep your and your immediate family’s finances under control. You now need to understand all the financial quirks of your parents, ranging from their sources of income and recurring expenses to any investments they have. Sometimes it feels like an endless search for documents, bank accounts, invoices, legal documents, insurance policies and online accounts.

Levels of care provision

In most cases you do not undertake this in a bubble. You must navigate family dynamics, which often results in difficult and emotional conversations with your parents and other family members. You may have to make difficult decisions that are likely to be met with resistance as your pride and independence are tested. From my experience, this has been the most exhausting part of this experience, both emotionally and physically.

Financial care can fall on different levels depending on your parents’ capabilities. It may simply involve providing advice and guidance to your parents in the form of reviewing and explaining financial accounts and documents. It could take the form of proposing methods to better organize their financial affairs.

If your parents’ health problems are more advanced, active participation may be required in the form of paying bills, filing tax returns on their behalf, or supervising appointments with their bank or financial advisor. At the most extreme level – which is what I had to go through with my father – legal interventions using a power of attorney may be necessary to make financial and health-related decisions on their behalf, which requires a high level of dedication and attention to detail.

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More lessons to come

In our upcoming series on MoneySense, I’ll share the practical lessons I’ve learned along my journey: the essential documents you need to find, the conversations you need to have before they become urgent, the financial red flags to look out for, and the systems that can help maintain your parents’ independence while protecting their financial security.

While we can’t prevent our parents from growing older, we can certainly be better prepared for the financial realities that come with it, hopefully allowing them to maintain some dignity in their lives and set a positive example for our young people to pay it forward.

Read more about plans for (and in) retirement: