It may sound strange to normal people with normal hobbies, but different cars have different personalities. A Mini Cooper is cute and fun. A BMW M3 is focused and serious. A Jeep Wrangler is outdoors and adventurous. And while normal people may not think about cars in the same way that enthusiasts do, they still understand it on some level. After all, there are many non-enthusiasts who name their cars, and what personifies a car more than giving it a human name?
Once you start personifying cars, however, it raises other potential questions. Which car would make the worst dad? Which truck leaves the worst tips at restaurants? Which vehicle is afraid that taking the train will become homosexual? The answer to all those questions is of course the Tesla Cybertruck, but something tells me you already knew where I was going with that, because duh.
If Jalopnik were a more serious blog I might ask less loaded questions, but hey, it’s not my fault Tesla built a truck specifically marketed to the worst people you’ve ever met. Just like it’s not my fault that Tesla’s CEO is busy call the EU the Fourth Reich. But that does bring me to a question that the Cybertruck is absolutely not the answer to: which car is the sluttiest?
A rich playboy with money to burn
But back to the question at hand. If cars were people, which car would be the most invested? It feels like the Dodge Charger would like you to think this is the answer, but I also think we all know this is all talk. The Dodge Charger brags about all the Tinder matches he gets, even though you both know the deal rarely gets done, before ranting about how “women” these days are all spoiled man-haters out to scam men for free meals.
No, if I were a betting man I’d put my money on the Aston Martin Vanquish, although I’m pretty sure most of the top spots are taken by other Aston Martin models. Het heeft uitstraling. Het heeft geld. Under the hood lies a V12. And even people who think supercars are dorks still love the Vanquish thanks to the James Bond connection. But it also has a chip on its shoulder because it lacks the prestige of a true exotic and copes by screwing everyone it can. There are plenty of other cars being sold, but the Vanquish feels like it’s convinced that all it has is a ladies’ man. Especially as it gets older and has to convince itself that whiskey dick is an age problem and not a sign of a drinking problem.
What about you though? Which car do you think is the most cheated? Am I wrong about the Aston Martin Vanquish? Let us know in the comments.
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