Why porn is such an emotionally charged subject
Silva begins by pointing out something that many professionals immediately recognize: Porn isn’t just a behavioral topic, it’s a… emotional.
People rarely approach porn neutrally. Instead, discussions are often saturated with:
strong emotions
moral judgments
religious beliefs
fear-based stories
personal shame
As a result, factual knowledge is often drowned out. When people talk about porn, they are often not just talking about behavior, but about values, identity and morals.
This emotional weight makes it extremely difficult to discuss porn openly, especially in therapeutic or educational settings.
The problem of polarized thinking
One of Silva’s central points is deceptively simple:
It’s completely okay to hate porn, and it’s completely okay to love porn.
This statement alone debunks the idea that there must be one universal truth about the impact of porn. That’s not how human sexuality works.
However, Silva makes an important distinction between personal values And professional responsibility.
For therapists, coaches and teachers, neutrality is not indifference; it is competence. Staying in the middle means you can be left with the possibility that:
porn can be harmful to some people
porn can be neutral or helpful to others
neither experience invalidates the other
This attitude allows professionals to respond to clients as individuals, rather than filtering them through ideology.
Misinformation, Google and the illusion of certainty
Silva points out that much of what people “know” about porn comes from unreliable sources.
If someone Googles porn and mental health, they will likely come across the following:
What they are less likely to find is nuance.
The result is widespread confusion about what porn is iswhat it doand what the research actually shows. This confusion is compounded by the fact that porn is often discussed as if it has a single, predictable effect on all users.
In reality, Silva notes, the scientific knowledge base is still developing – and far less compelling than popular discourse suggests.
Porn, morality and religious influence
Another reason why the porn discourse has become so distorted is its deep entanglement with morality and religion.
Many religious traditions ban porn outright. While these beliefs are meaningful and valid within these frameworks, Silva emphasizes that moral and religious positions should not be confused with psychological evidence.
When morality drives the conversation, people often quickly go from:
“I believe this is wrong” Unpleasant “This causes harm to everyone”
That jump is not supported by current research.
Silva argues that conversations about porn – especially in therapeutic contexts – should be informed by biology and psychologynot moral doctrine. Otherwise, professionals risk reinforcing shame rather than supporting well-being.
What research actually suggests about problematic porn use
One of the most important clarifications Silva offers concerns concerns problematic relationships with porn.
Research so far not consistently show that porn use causes mental health problems such as depression or anxiety. Instead of, what studies repeatedly find is a little more nuanced:
People who develop problematic relationships with porn often already struggle with:
In these cases, porn is not the cause, it is the cause coping strategy.
Silva describes porn use here as an attempt to assuage anxiety, self-soothe, or manage emotional pain. It functions less as a toxin and more as a symptom.
This distinction is of great importance. When doctors treat porn as the problem instead of asking what the porn is trying to do dissolvethey risk missing the real issue entirely.
Shame is often the real source of fear
Perhaps the most clinically significant insight Silva shares is this: Many people who think they “have a porn problem” are not experiencing a mental disorder – they are experiencing it shame.
That shame often stems from:
cultural messages that porn use is inherently bad
moral judgments that equate porn use with being a “bad person.”
online stories that label the use of porn as dangerous or corrupting
Silva suggests that if shame were removed from the equation, many people would feel neutral—or even comfortable—about their porn use.
In other words: the suffering is not always about the behavior. It is about the meaning attached to the behavior.
Porn, well-being and the role of the therapist
Silva makes sure the pendulum doesn’t swing the opposite way, claiming that porn is universally useful. Instead, he emphasizes context.
For some people, porn can:
For others it can:
The therapist’s role is not to decide which experience is “right,” but to help the client understand it their own relationship with porn – free from judgement.
Sticking to the middle ground allows therapists to ask better questions:
What does porn do for you?
What does it help you deal with?
Does it align with your values?
Does it support or hinder your goals?
These questions lead to insight. Moralizing eliminates them.
Why we need more research – and better conversations
Silva describes porn as a “stimulant” subject – and that titillation is exactly why it requires more, not less, attention.
He calls for:
Importantly, he emphasizes that these conversations should be based on psychology and biology, not fear or ideology.
Avoiding the subject does not protect people. Simplifying things too much doesn’t help them either. What helps is complexity handled carefully.
Implications for sexual health professionals
For sex therapistseducators and physicians, Silva’s perspective includes several essential insights:
Neutrality is not approval
Staying in the middle doesn’t mean promoting porn. It means refusing to impose moral judgment where clinical curiosity is needed.
Shame must be addressed head-on
When clients have concerns about porn, professionals should explicitly assess shame. Reducing shame can often reduce distress even without changing behavior.
Porn is often a coping strategy
Instead of asking, “How can we stop this?” it may be more helpful to ask, “How does this help you manage?”
Values are important, but so is evidence
Clients’ moral or religious beliefs deserve respect. But these beliefs should not be conflated with psychological harm without evidence.
Summary: The Harmful Porn Myth
Psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves explains that porn is often misunderstood due to misinformation, emotional responses, and moral or religious beliefs. He emphasizes that it is acceptable to love or hate porn, but therapists should maintain a neutral middle ground. Research shows that problematic porn use is usually linked to underlying mental health problems, such as depression, rather than porn causing these problems. Many people mainly experience anxiety due to the shame associated with porn use. Silva calls for more fact-based research and open, psychologically informed conversations about porn, instead of morality-based narratives.
Last takeaway
The “harmful porn myth” thrives in spaces where fear replaces curiosity and morality replaces evidence.
Silva Neves reminds us that porn is not a unique force with a unique outcome. It is a complex human behavior embedded in emotion, culture and meaning. When professionals hold the middle ground—not demonizing or idealizing porn—they create space for honesty, healing, and real sexual health support.
In a field built on nuance, security is rarely the goal. Understand.
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