Funny old evening this.
At one point, during an extended break, it occurred to me that this was the most I had ever paid for a single match at St James’ Park, and as a spectacle it was a bit like a mid-season friendly.
Everything about tonight was one of those moments where balance was needed. The tie was dead and there was no point in risking any damage to players who have a hell of a job to do in the demanding weeks and months ahead.
However, there was still a sense of pride to protect and a competition to navigate, and Howe possibly respected this too much as Trippier, Burn, Tonali, Barnes and Woltemade were all part of a team that did have a degree of experimentation, including a first start for Alex Murphy.
If you were the kind of rampant pessimist who allowed any lingering doubts about progress to fester, the first few minutes will have been a welcome respite. Tonali drove towards the Qarabag defense with malicious intent and his run broke for Burn to get a shot off. Pinball ensued as this effort was deflected to Barnes, who crossed to Osula to head straight at the keeper, and then to Tonali to finish what he started by knocking in the rebound. So 7-1 in total, a score that brings back memories.
It had taken Sandro four minutes that evening to give us the lead and only two more minutes were needed to double it. Woltemade regained possession in the Qarabag half and then slid in Barnes down the left who produced a fantastic dipping cross for Joelinton to meet him at the back post on the volley. So that’s 2-0 in the evening and 8-1 in total. My buddy Simon said repeatedly, “I think we’re done here, you know!” at this point everyone around him burst out laughing, alone in silence and to themselves.
This went both ways. Either a cricket score of stunning, record-breaking proportions came in, or United would take their foot off the accelerator and think about retention for the coming matches. Unfortunately for fans of absolute football carnage, it would emphatically be the latter.
My memories of the first half are as follows: a bad flick from Woltemade sent Murphy in, after which he ruined the assist of the tournament by sending the ball wide. The match then took on such a preseason feel that I decided to become the person I detested under normal circumstances and sneak a beer after 42 minutes.
The second half was strange in a different way. I was annoyed that Eddie didn’t give people a rest from the break, and this became even less likely after five minutes as all Qarabag did was score, the cheeky, flipping upstarts! Decent effort from Duran who outpaced Burn before firing into Ramsdale’s near post. The goal was received with sporting applause from the home stands, but there was an undercurrent of fear that we would look a bit rubbish if we didn’t win the game that night.
This fear was allayed with a collectible two minutes later, as United scored your textbook, route one, header from a corner goal. Trippier’s delivery was punched in with thundering aplomb by Botman and it would certainly be enough to secure whatever cash package you get for winning a Champions League play-off match. I bet there is one, because there is € attached to every part of this tournament.
Apparently, nowadays we are no longer allowed to play a Champions League match without a dubious handball penalty. Burn was sliding to intercept a cross when it hit his stabilizing arm, which was much further away from his body than the decision that went our way last week. These are nailed into the CL. I felt sorry for Ramsdale, whose save from Jankovic was actually a huge penalty stop, only because their guy was quickest on the rebound and sneaked in the 3-2. This might be a bit tight, you know, the Mackems would see absolutely no irony in depriving us of the kick by winning a second leg of a Champions League knockout match that we had won comfortably.
This was fortunately avoided when the substitutions came into effect and Everton’s legs were spared. Wissa came over for some practice he seemed to need and Leo Shahar got a brief taste of first-team football, replacing Trippier and executing the exact series of safe, unadventurous passes I would choose if suddenly and unexpectedly picked for Newcastle. In the stands my little lad fell asleep on my knee and discussions took place about the best route to Barcelona, somewhat affected by the news that their expected capacity increase to 62k could be under threat ahead of our discussed second leg, and the expectation that we will probably end up in trouble with Chelsea anyway.
Qarabag was a bit of harmless fun and I’m sure a few wins from them will be helpful for the future coefficient. Look no further than Inter’s abrupt departure for proof that the play-off round cannot be taken for granted. I hope they enjoyed their trip here as there was a solid representation of a few hundred Azerbaijanis beforehand, both in Level 7 and in the city. I bet they will be a recurring theme in European competitions in the coming years.
I think the team management was quite good in the end, as everyone who needed a timeout was given some reprieve, with the exception of Tonali, who seemed happy to be deservedly awarded the silver man of the competition trophy.
A useful and morale-boosting exercise. Brace yourself for another withdrawal of ticket money for the next round. Is this the road to Barcelona?
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