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QUESTION: I believe my son’s perfectionism is hindering his performance. Can you help?
Frank: In my opinion, the age-old motto of playing 110% in competition is completely wrong. Athletes who constantly try to push for perfection over pressure and tight play. Perfectionists are simply required to strive for excellent performance versus perfect performance. In match play, the athlete must try 90% instead of 110% and learn to accept a few small mistakes on the way to victory.
Parents and players who are perfectionists are so stressed about being perfect that it often hinders the actual growth they strive for and leads to misery for everyone around them. The coach should encourage the athlete to find the courage to let go of unrealistic and harmful beliefs such as athletic perfectionism and enjoy the journey.
Helping a perfectionist get the most out of their talent requires designing a new belief system. Perfectionism affects some of the most naturally gifted players I have ever seen. In my opinion, the need to be perfect 100 percent of the time has been a major stumbling block for those who have chosen to neglect emotional training.
The top 8 signs of a perfectionist:
1) Perfectionists believe there is only one way to do it right.
After hitting a great shot, a perfectionist might say, “Yes… I hit a winner, but didn’t you see? My deflection was 6 inches too low! Why can’t I get it right?”
2) Perfectionists are obsessed with the basics.
Perfectionist parents often say, “I can run a Fortune 500 company and supervise 2,000 employees, but I can’t get my daughter to control her #@*%+… ball throw!”
3) Perfectionists like to share their inflicted illness.
Perfectionists not only discover their own mistakes, but also enjoy discovering yours and those of others. Then of course they would be happy to share it with you.
4) Perfectionists demand perfection from others.
Perfectionist parents often say to their children, “Honey, I know you’re only 7 years old, but you should be able to get more of a kick out of that second helping. Dinner will wait, just add another basket.”
5) Perfectionists find things to worry about.
Junior perfectionists often say, “What if it rains, I checked the forecast every 15 minutes last night…I might end up playing Zoe if we both make it to the fourth round. She’s the world’s biggest pusher! What if I play Kelly, everyone knows she’s cheating. Remember when she cheated on me at sectionals? Hey dad, I heard there’s a hurricane off the coast of Florida, do you think the wind will be a factor? …”
6) Overthinking Perfectionists.
Because of their deep need to always be right, perfectionists often overthink competitions. Education professionals call it paralysis by analysis. They live in their analytical left brain. This is where constant editing and reviewing takes place. Unfortunately for them, the real ‘in the zone’ tennis is played in the right brain. The exact over-analysis that a perfectionist thrives on is what allows him to perform at his peak in competition.
7) Perfectionists constantly doubt themselves.
Junior perfectionists in a match often think: “Oh, here comes a short ball, I have to go in, no, maybe not, it’s possibly a trick, I better wait and analyze the situation, oh, look at that… too late…”
8) Perfectionists often ruin 5-2 leads.
The competition is nicely under control and your little perfectionist misses an easy babysitter. Instead of shaking it off, they blow it completely out of proportion and panic. Thanks to their perfectionism, their defeated opponent now sees their instability and begins to believe that they can beat this crazy person. Once again, that comfortable match is now a 5-5 dog fight.
If your child refuses to accept anything less than perfect, ask him or her to research Perfectionism via Google. This psychological profile offers both positive and negative qualities. I’m a big fan of the positive effects that come from this personality profile. However, I worry about the players who feel that they are only satisfied when they achieve unattainable goals. If the player is solely satisfied with achieving unrealistic goals, the player will only be faced with constant disappointment. Without intervention, these athletes usually quit the sport.
#Perfectionism #achievement