I had a very nice Christmas holiday. It was big and beautiful, with dinners and people and all that stuff. At the same time, there was room for things that are otherwise easily pushed aside. I read more than usual, went to the theater and slept long. Most of all, we took long dog walks with no purpose. Incredibly fun.
What I think about most is the light. The snow. The days when the sun finally broke through. We’ve been walking around in the autumn heat for so long that it almost feels surreal to look someone in the eye again, such a comical difference when the sun is shining.
When a new year begins, I rarely feel the same tingling as in autumn, there is more determination and so now we run in the body. But this year I decided to be a bit pragmatic and not, I have to have a better sense of what I actually want to do.
What I do know is that the body is happy with both recovery and a little resistance. I want to continue with barre and ballet – precisely because it cannot be done half-heartedly. What a thrill to completely surrender. There is such structure, such demands and total presence. But just as important is the peace in between, I now realize that. It almost takes more discipline from me to do nothing, to sit down.
I also feel a huge need to cut back, even less on things I don’t really need: things, plans and ideals. At the same time, I want to scale up what makes me happy.
And then there is Arts & Tea. I’m going to the building with the book club to really meet each other. I love those kinds of gatherings more than I’d like to admit – where the conversation competes with nothing else.
I’m going into this year without any crazy ambitions, but with a pretty clear desire. Perhaps desire is a sufficient starting point.
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#light