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My son was bullied. What the school did next amazed me
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My son was bullied. What the school did next amazed me

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How do parents raise resilient children in an age of constant judgment and conflicting advice? Insight hears from parents dealing with generational differences, social pressure and childhood baggage. Watch Insight episode Modern Parenting on SBS on request.
One evening I bumped into my then twelve-year-old son Winston, who was sobbing his heart out in a way I had never seen before.
He had just started high school and a bunch of kids had decided to mock him for his sexuality.
When he kept a poker face, their behavior had escalated into cruel comments in class and publicly dehumanizing acts on the school bus.

That day he was verbally abused and beaten on the way home.

I told him that they are difficult for us to understand because we don’t berate others to make ourselves feel good.
Winston begged me not to talk to the school because he was afraid the staff would confront the bully, which could make things worse for him.

But at that moment I knew I had to advocate for my son.

An immediate plan

The next morning I made an appointment with the school director.

To my horror, his anger was intense and he reacted quickly – but not in the way I expected.

A selfie of a woman with dark hair and glasses with a neutral expression on her face.

Nama Winston says she was surprised by her school’s quick response to her son’s bullying. Source: Delivered

Winston’s safety was his priority and… he immediately put a plan into actionwhich he explained during a morning staff meeting.

Winston would be delicately walked from one classroom to another and to the bus at the end of the day. He was given access to a separate bathroom and a safe area for breaks and lunch.
Instead of labeling him as vulnerable, they had given him power.

Because I had heard and seen so much about bullying as a parenting editor, the school’s response blew me away.

Instead of feeling hopeless, my son was amazed to hear that the staff cared about him and had his back.
I can’t tell you how crucial that was to the outcome.
I’ve never been so happy that I said something.

But too many other Australian parents tell me they’re afraid to do the same.

Breaking a taboo

After more than a decade of writing about raising children, I have repeatedly heard, “My child is being bullied at school, but I can’t tell anyone.”
Frustrated, stressed and often desperate, parents told me they feel stifled as they share their child’s experiences of bullying with both other parents and schools.

When I recently talked about my son’s bullying experience on the Insight episode Modern Parenting, two parents approached me afterwards and said it was a relief to hear that others had gone through the same struggle because they weren’t sure what to do.

A screenshot of a mother and son sitting together. There are other people behind them.

Nama (left) says her son Winston’s (right) bullying experience made her realize that the subject remained taboo among parents. Source: Delivered

Why is it so difficult for so many parents to talk about their child’s bullying? Why the silence?

These are the reasons I was told:
“He’s worried about retaliation from the gang.”
“She doesn’t want the rest of the class to learn and use the nickname.”

“They’re ashamed of being bullied. They think they’re a loser.”

Parents have also admitted that they have little confidence in schools taking action. One of them said: “What’s the point? It will just make things worse, or they will ignore it.”
One friend even confessed to me, “I don’t want the other moms telling their kids about it, like it’s gossip.”
She feared they would also condemn her parenting because she had a “weak son.”
No parent wants to create more problems for their child who is already struggling and in pain.
I sympathize with them without judgement; I understand what a delicate and intense experience bullying is for every family.

But suffering in silence means that the taboo continues.

Suffering in silence means that the taboo continues.

Winston’s name

In the countless messages I have received from parents over the course of my career, not a single one mentions responding to bullying as an opportunity for the victim to thrive.
But now I have seen how this is possible.
We must break the taboo on bullying to bring about effective change.
And realize that we are not “doing” on a bully by doing so.
We also do not put our child in greater danger. Instead, we give them more power.

#son #bullied #school #amazed

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