This message was posted on January 7, 2026 by Charlotte Bell. </p><div>
If you dabble in social media at all, you’ve probably noticed a pattern. There seems to be permission for reckless abandon in the way we interact with each other when we are safely hidden behind our computers. Much of the online dialogue is not an example of attentive speaking.
This is not particularly new. Online communication has always been a minefield. The increase in anonymous comments on blogs and social media allows people to insult others with abandon. And it seems to apply across the board, in all areas of exercise, including yoga. If you’ve ever read the comments on any of the yoga controversies, you know what I mean.
Over the past few years, I have found myself lamenting the seemingly deteriorating state of communication in our culture. I do my best – and I must do so – to remain respectful, even when I disagree.
Conscious speech
Thirty years ago, I committed to practicing mindful speaking. Fueled by conversation misstep It still made me cringe. I decided in the 1990s to make mindful speaking a core practice. The effort to speak attentively seems like an endless learning experience, one that I will probably never master.
The Buddha placed Right Speech third on the Eightfold Path, just after Right View and Right Intention, and before Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.
Speech is powerful. I have learned over the years that speaking mindfully is not as easy as it sounds. The Buddha outlined five parameters for speech which I have listed below. Because mindful speaking is a very complex practice, I offer here just a brief summary, a few thoughts to ponder.
How to practice mindful speaking
Truth
Speaking honestly means refraining from saying things that are not true. This includes not only outright lying, but also obscuring or exaggerating the truth, and lying by omission. Sometimes we lie to keep ourselves out of trouble, or we exaggerate to make ourselves look a little better – perhaps padding our resumes or taking credit where it’s not due. Although little white lies seem harmless, telling them reinforces the habit of not telling the truth. The more we get away with telling little white lies, the easier it is to do it again.
Speaking honestly simplifies our lives. If you’ve ever told a lie and then had to tell other lies to maintain the original lie, you know how complicated this can be. Telling the truth eliminates a lot of stress.
Practice speaking only the truth. Notice when your mind wants to exaggerate or obscure the truth.
Abstain from gossip
Gossip seems like an addiction. So often it’s where conversations end. But most of the time, gossip only serves to sow division. Talking nonsense about people who are not present isolates them without giving them a chance to defend themselves. It’s always one-sided.
There are, of course, times when it is appropriate to talk about someone who is not present out of concern for their well-being. It is also appropriate to talk about others when the goal is to bring people together. However, malicious gossip is a toxic pattern and serves no purpose other than to sow division.
Try not to speak negatively about someone who is not present. Is this a challenge? How does it change your conversations?
Refrain from harsh statements
We’ve all heard the old style about sticks and stones. I would counter that words have enormous potential to harm us. The residue of someone else’s harsh words can last for years. Angry and harsh language is an act of violence. When we speak harshly to another person, the intention is to inflict pain. Very often, angry language can get out of hand, so that what comes out is not even true.
In his book, The heart of the Buddha’s teachingsThich Nhat Hanh suggests that when we feel the impulse to speak out of anger, we instead take a step back and ask if we can continue our conversation later. This gives our anger a chance to cool so we can return to the conversation at a time when we can speak with more clarity and respect.
Abstain from useless speech
There is a Pali word for idle speech that is a good example of onomatopeia: sampappalapa. Sampappalapa is talking just for the sake of talking, inserting yourself into a conversation with something unrelated or unnecessary, often just to make our presence felt.
As an introvert, I am not someone who tends to talk on or interrupt conversations. However, as someone who grew up in a family that often spoke to each other in certain settings, I can definitely pull off one-liners with the best of them. The longer I practice mindful speaking, the more I realize that most of these one-liners are unnecessary, and sometimes they can even get me in trouble. Sometimes they can be painful.
When you are in a conversation, consider whether what you are about to say actually contributes to what is being said.
Speaking at the right time
There are appropriate and inappropriate tenses for certain types of speech. For example, although I admit to being a bit sweary in casual conversations, I don’t use potentially offensive words when I teach yoga. Or at least, I try. I also try to suppress my snarky tendencies in professional situations.
A colleague of mine thinks it is important to tell it like it is. While maintaining honesty in relationships is a valuable goal, personal grievances are best expressed in one-on-one conversations. Time and time again, this person has challenged others (including myself) with personal grievances during work-related situations in front of other colleagues. Not only does this humiliate the object of her anger, but it also makes others feel extremely uncomfortable witnessing what should be a personal matter between two people.
When you feel the need to voice a complaint or make a snide comment, consider not only whether it is necessary at all, but also whether the situation is appropriate.
Practice mindful speaking
Over the years, I have found that practicing mindful speaking undoubtedly helps me speak less and listen more. This is probably a positive thing. Listening produces learning. And by looking at your words, you cultivate a deeper awareness. The inclusion of right speech in the Eightfold Path means that its practice is essential for freeing our minds.
Social media is a great place to practice proper expression. Writing allows you to think about your words. I never respond anonymously. I don’t say anything online that makes me uncomfortable. This invariably makes me more aware of the possible effects of my words on people who read them.
If you choose to speak mindfully, you will probably stumble at times. I still sometimes say things I wish I hadn’t. Like many things worth exploring, practicing mindful speaking is a process that I believe can make our world a kinder, more welcoming place for us all.
Here are some time-honored questions to ask yourself when you feel compelled to speak:
- Is it true?
- Is it useful?
- Is it friendly?
- Is this the right time?
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<strong class="author-name">About Charlotte Bell</strong>
Charlotte Bell discovered yoga in 1982 and began teaching in 1986. Charlotte is the author of Mindful Yoga, Mindful Life: A Guide for Everyday Practice and Yoga for Meditators, both published by Rodmell Press. Her third book is titled Hip-Healthy Asana: The Yoga Practitioner's Guide to Protecting the Hips and Avoiding SI Joint Pain (Shambhala Publications). She writes a monthly column for CATALYST Magazine and is an editor for Yoga U Online. Charlotte is a founding member of GreenTREE Yoga, a nonprofit organization that brings yoga to underserved populations. A lifelong musician, Charlotte plays oboe and English horn in the Salt Lake Symphony and folk sextet Red Rock Rondo, whose DVD won two Emmy Awards.
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