What is sexual ambivalence?
Have you ever said yes to something you weren’t sure about? Or “no” to something you wanted to do? What about in the context of sexual activity? If so, then you have experienced sexual ambivalence!
Created in 1998The term sexual ambivalence refers to the display of sexual behavior that is both desired and undesirable. Please note that the terms “sexual activity” and “sexual behavior” used in this blog may refer to anything sexual in nature – not just full intercourse!
Although this concept has been around for a while, researchers are still learning more about sexual ambivalence and its role in sexual experiences. Partly because there is so much nuance to it: whether or not someone wants to engage in a sexual activity may not even be clear to the individual at the time and can depend on countless factors.
Sexual ambivalence versus consent
Before we get into the context of different elements that can play a role in sexual ambivalence, it is important to understand the difference between sexual ambivalence and consent. Most of us assume that desirability and consent go hand in hand, but that’s not always the case. Understanding the gap between them is more important than you might think.
Let’s break it down:
Sexual ambivalence describes an experience where a sexual encounter feels both desired And at the same time undesirable. It’s not a fixed feeling; it exists on a continuum and can shift during an encounter. A person may start out feeling one way and end up feeling a completely different one!
Consent is simply the act of agreeing to engage in certain behavior. Solid, affirmative consent is clear and enthusiastic. Ultimately it’s a decision, not a feeling.
So someone may want to have a sexual experience, but not consent to it. Without consent, the engagement would be considered sexual violence. But if that individual does not want to do it, but agrees to it (without coercion and of their own volition), that is not sexual violence.
In short, what happens if these don’t match?
That’s possible want to just a sexual experience not agree on it → that’s sexual violence, period.
That’s possible permission to a sexual experience without complete want it → that is not sexual violence.
It’s easy to confuse the two because they both involve making decisions about sexual activity, but it’s important that they are recognized as different concepts. If you want to know more about sexual decision making, view our certification programs!
Factors in wanting and unwillingness
Oftentimes, individuals hold on to what they want and don’t want in terms of sexual behavior, and there are many different factors involved.
Sexual ambivalence and reproductive rights
Unfortunately, the decision to have sex can be linked to the impact of political decisions on individual lives. Although research on sexual ambivalence is still catching up on the details, there is evidence that systemic factors play a role. In the United StatesLimited access to contraceptives and a general erosion of reproductive rights may contribute to this, especially for those assigned female at birth.
Think about what’s actually at stake: the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, the possibility of not having access to abortion, the unmanaged pain of endometriosis or other conditions that birth control helps treat. Any of these realities can make a person less likely to want to engage in sexual activity, not because of how they feel about their partner or because of their experience of sexual behavior, but because of the political climate in which they live.
Sexual ambivalence and sexual health
A common source of sexual ambivalence can stem from concerns about physical consequences, such as the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. It makes intuitive sense that those worries can give a person pause, even if the need is there. The wrinkle, however, is that sexual ambivalence has also been linked to sexual risk behavior, such as not using a condom. So the relationship between sexual ambivalence and caution is more nuanced than it might seem at first glance, and researchers don’t yet have a clear account of why that is.
Engaging in sexual activity also requires trust that the other person will respect your boundaries and not push things further than you are comfortable with. That degree of vulnerability is not self-evident for everyone. Research has found a meaningful link between sexual ambivalence and a history of sexual assault victimization. When someone has suffered harm in a context that required that same trust, hesitation about future sexual activity may follow.
Sexual ambivalence and relationship health
It’s not always about the action itself. Sometimes people desire certain outcomes or aspects of sex (intimacy, closeness, connection), but not necessarily the physical activity that comes with it. This can lead to experiencing sexual ambivalence!
It can also be a way to navigate mismatched desires in a relationship. The research we have, while not always recent, tells us this that sexual ambivalence could be how some people bridge the gap when their desire levels don’t match their partner’s, avoiding the tension or conflict that this type of discrepancy often brings.
Bottom line: I want some pieces, but not the whole picture can be its own path to sexual ambivalence.
Takeaways for sexual health professionals
Ambivalence and agreement are not the same: Understanding the distinction can help sexual health professionals recognize when a client is describing something that crosses over into sexual coercion or violence, even if the client has not called it that.
Screen carefully for trauma history: Given the possible link between sexual ambivalence and past sexual assault victimization, a client disclosing ambivalence can be a starting point for broader conversations about safety, trust, and the impact of past experiences.
Don’t assume hesitation means disinterest: a person may genuinely desire a sexual connection, yet still feel reluctant to pursue it. These are not contradictory; they often coexist!
Consider access and risk concerns: for some clients, the ambivalence is rooted in practical fears about pregnancy or STDs. Addressing these issues directly, for example through education, resources or referrals, can be part of the job.
Consider the relationship dynamics: The desire discrepancy between partners can fuel ambivalence. It can be illuminating to investigate how a client thinks about that gap.
Hold the examination lightly: the scientific basis is still developing and much of it is dated. The clinical judgment and the client’s own story are more important than any investigation.
Do you want to become an in-demand sexual health professional? Learn more about how to get certified with SHA!
#Making #sense #sexual #ambivalence #Sexual #Health #Alliance