Legendary mascot Mr. Clean is retiring. Here’s How to Thrive in the Next Stage of Life (Tip-Rich Parody)

After 68 years, Mr. Clean, the iconic mascot of Procter & Gamble’s eponymous product line, has retired. This company milestone was announced at the the brand’s Instagram page on Feb. 18 with the bald star wearing a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and “stay tuned” and “explore” hashtags. “While our products will continue to combat your dirt and grime, Mr. Clean, well, first name Veritably (yes, really), is moving on to new adventures. We know his journey will be a fulfilling one and we support his decision.”

In the year after retirement, many adults who have had long, successful careers experience depression and feelings of purpose and loss of identity. Here, in a well-intentioned parody, are some opportunities for Veritably to put his time, experience and reputation to good use as he explores the joys of retirement. Perhaps, and hopefully, these ideas will be relevant to your post-career life as well.

Reshaping family life

Create a quiet space

Considering how many of his years were spent in commercial work, it’s likely that there are numerous projects around the house that the retired mascot now has free time for.

He may want to start by creating a quiet corner to enjoy his newfound free time. Rather than focusing on screens—which he has satiated for more than sixty years—his new space should offer a digital escape, perhaps just with a sound speaker for commercial-free island tunes.

It should include a comfortable and supportive seat made of a high-quality fabric that won’t stain if he spills his favorite drink on it. It should also include a side table made of non-toxic, stain and scratch resistant material for his drink, a book and a lamp. (New rechargeable LED models do not require plugs that could otherwise cause a tripping hazard.)

Veritably’s quiet space could include his favorite works of art, ideally with nature scenes that create a sense of tranquility, along with plants that improve indoor air quality, and possibly a bookcase that would reduce noise from the hallway or adjacent rooms. When he’s not a reader, he can fill the shelves with collectibles.

Creating connectivity between indoors and outdoors

Since his aviator glasses hinted at a life enjoying the sun in the outdoors with the announcement of his retirement, Veritably has been looking for ways to open up his living spaces more to his outdoor spaces. (I suspect six decades of advertising won him a home with this desirable feature and some nice views.) This might involve turning a series of large room windows into a series of glass doors that open wide to his patio or deck. You might work with a contractor to build a balcony off his primary suite so you can get out into the morning sun for a mood-boosting vitamin D break. Automated shades can also be added that take advantage of natural indoor light while blocking the highest heat rays of the day.

Update for your convenience

Considering Veritably’s long career, it’s entirely possible that he hasn’t had time to update his home’s kitchen in years! This would be a good time to consider replacing worn and high-maintenance countertops with new, scratch-resistant and heat-resistant alternatives. Many of the artificial stone (AKA quartz) tops have been transformed into maintenance-free, highly durable, family-friendly (for grandkids visits) silica-free surfaces. He can also exchange his outdated gas or radiant hob for a powerful induction model.

Update for health

Now that he’s going to drastically slow down his hectic schedule, this would be a great time to create a gym at home. There should be room for weights, aerobic exercises and stretching. I can actually choose a non-toxic paint in a favorite color (mine is a soft orange for its stimulating properties) and a scrubbable finish for the walls.

To be of service

These home projects won’t go on forever and Veritably will want to do something next, especially something that makes him feel relevant and useful. Given his extensive knowledge of house cleaning, he can use his time in a variety of ways to support his values. Here are some ideas that cater to the Mr. Clean legend:

• Provide cleaning assistance to a shelter for abused women and children.
• Provide cleanup assistance to a nonprofit disaster services organization after a storm or other emergency.
• Create and lead a free cleaning seminar for library patrons in surrounding communities to stay safe and healthy at home.
• Use his extensive contacts with his former employer’s brand team to help Mr. Donate Clean products to the charities he helps.
• Mentor disadvantaged high school students in creating successful careers, with or without college degrees.

Last words

This advertising icon, like the rest of us, can take great pride in his success while creating an enjoyable and rewarding life and home in retirement. Thanks for the years of service, Mr. Clean, and happy exploring! You will be missed.