Holy smoke: there’s an Audi Q7 V12 TDI for sale

With good reason, in retrospect. While there was probably never a good time to launch a £150,000 diesel SUV in the 2000s, 2009 was a particularly bad time. With the world reeling from financial collapse, the last thing anyone really wanted was a top-end Audi with an optional Exclusive package that lined the trunk with wood as if it were the back of a speedboat. And even those who could justify a V12 TDI were faced with a world of contradictions: this was still just an Audi Q7, and still looked like one, but cost Ferrari money. There was the glamor and prestige of a 6.0-litre twelve-cylinder engine (technically 5,934 cc, but we’ll leave that out), belying the less illustrious diesel element. This means it was also a TDI that wasn’t anywhere near affordable to run.

Nevertheless, what a glorious reminder of how things were not so long ago, when ideas (and the engineers to create them) could run wild. This is the era of the S65 and S85 BMW M engines, the M156 AMG V8, VW’s V10 TDI that was somehow on sale at about the same time as a V12, and much more. There had been megamotors before, of course, but the proliferation was unprecedented: they were everywhere. The Germans in particular were determined to outdo them all with increasingly ridiculous combustion performance. Now that they have to try to beat their rivals with mild hybrid assistance and miles per kilowatt hour, it’s hard not to long for a bit of that silliness.

The Q7 V12 TDI is, just like now, more than a disc. Thanks to that amazing 6.0 liters, the seven-seater weighed 2.7 tons before an occupant stepped in – more than today’s plug-in hybrids. But even with a weight of 230 Nm, it was as fast as any other diesel SUV before it; Also with 500bhp, the Q7 wasn’t far off the pace of the petrol performance 4x4s. Yet to all intents and purposes it whispered, with a muffled growl from under the hood and only a few V12 badges to mark it. Unless you’re the kind of person who’s looking for ceramic brakes behind Audi front wheels (hello buddy, there’s a few of us here), the TDI was hard to spot.

It was for sale here from 2009-2012; HowManyLeft suggests a peak of 36 V12 TDIs on our roads in 2013, to get an idea of ​​how rare these beasts are. Only 21 were taxed at last count, and Audi has one, so this example alone represents almost five percent of the entire UK population. It’s a 2009 car, so one of the very first, and apparently the first, owner who wasn’t concerned about the prevailing views on display of wealth: remember when everyone wanted a white car? This V12 is Calla White, creamy and almost like Honda’s Championship White in the shade. This did not go unnoticed. There’s a carbon finish and brown leather inside, which looks better than it sounds, plus some nice Alcantara trim and a B&O sound system. It still looks suitably opulent 16 years later.

Interestingly, this one has covered less than 30,000 miles; perhaps the prospect of regularly using a 300g/km, 25mpg diesel was a bit too much for three previous owners. Or perhaps it was saved for special family outings; The occasional far-flung adventure in a car like a Q7 V12 TDI would certainly be something to cherish. Either way, it’s now certainly one of the nicest around, and at £100,000 less than its new price. That’s still £54,995. And there is a lot of SQ7 TDI for sale for that money, if you are looking for a mega Q7 diesel. But that car was eminently rational and reasonable by comparison; for the ultimate Audi surplus, nothing even comes close to a V12 TDI.

Engine: 5,934 cc, V12 diesel
Transfer: Tiptronic with 6 gears, four-wheel drive
Power (hp): 500 at 3,750 rpm
Torque (lb⋅ft): 738 at 1,750-3,250 rpm
MPG: 25.7 (NEDC combined)
CO2: 298g/km
Year registered: 2009
Registered mileage: 29,000
Price new: £154,175
Yours for: £54,995