Mary was 62 when her husband suddenly died. He had always been the “CFO” of the household, the one who had to deal with their investments, pensions and taxes. Mary was left with a folder of account statements that she did not understand and a consultant she hardly knew.
When Mary asked that adviser about withdrawing money to renovate her kitchen, she was told that it could be ‘not wise’ and that she would ‘have to wait’. Mary left that meeting in tears. It felt like she asked permission to use her own money.
Eventually she came to me. We walked together through her finances: CPP Survivor Advantages, its OAS, a small pension and their RRSPs and TFSAs. It turned out that she had more than enough income to cover her lifestyle and the renovation.
The figures gave her peace of mind, but what she really appreciated was the conversation itself. She told me it was the first time she was listening, the first time she felt she was the customer.
Mary went on with her kitchen project. She also booked a trip to Italy with her daughter, something she had always dreamed of. The money was always there. What she needed was clarity, and someone in her corner to reassure her that she could move forward.
Your financial steps after the loss of a partner
Losing a husband is devastating. The sorrow is central and everything else feels like noise. Nevertheless, the daily bills continue to come, the RRIF recordings do not pause and ask about money to stack up quickly. Who am I calling? Where do I start? Can I afford to stay in my house?
I have worked with many widows, and the first thing they usually want is not a spreadsheet. They want someone to talk. Someone who listens and helps them understand what is coming next.
Too often the experience they had with their old adviser was the opposite. Customers told me that they felt powerless, as if they had to ask permission to use their own money. A widow said she feared calling her adviser because she felt rated because she wanted to get money from the “her” portfolio.
That is a big reason why research consistently demonstrates that the majority of widows advisors within the first year or two after the death of their spouse. In Canada, some studies up to 80 percent are recorded. And if you think about it, it makes sense. If the adviser always focused their attention on the man and never bothered to build a relationship with the woman, why would she linger after he is gone? Women want and deserve an equal chair at the table.
The other side of widowhood is something that researchers have noticed, but the headlines rarely catch. Although men often describe their wives as their best and only good friend, women tend to have broader social networks. They have friendships, hobbies, community groups. That is important. Studies have shown that widows often do better than widowers when it comes to health and happiness in the long term. It is not that the loss hurts less. It is that women tend to have more social and emotional support outside marriage.
I sometimes share this perspective with customers who feel overwhelmed and alone. I remind them that they already have a support system, whether they are children, brothers and sisters, friends or community connections.
Part of the improvement is not only getting finances in order, but also leaning in those relationships and interests. Money is part of the puzzle, but it’s not the whole picture.
In terms of money, the first step is simply to understand what you have.
Income from CPP survivor benefits, OAS, pensions or RRIFs. Savings in a TFSA, RRSP or non-registered account. Your continuous expenses and any debts.
For many widows I meet, this is the first time they have seen the full image. A customer divided into relief when she realized that her income was more than enough to cover her lifestyle. She went awake from night, worried about the insufficient money, to booking a family trip she had postponed for years.
As soon as the figures are clear, the question is how you want to manage things in the future. Some widows want the guidance of a planner with only advice that can show them what is possible while leaving the investments in their own hands. Others prefer to give learning and take control of themselves, often they use a Robo adviser to automate the investment side. The common thread is a desire for control and transparency. No more gateway, no longer request permission.
I also see a lot of caution about spending and giving. Many widows are afraid to spend because they are afraid of touching without money or becoming a burden for their children. A good plan can change that.
I worked with one widow who was nervous to help her adult children financially. As soon as we had carried out her figures, she realized that she could live comfortably on her income and still give a modest amount every year. That clarity changed guilt in joy.
The financial sector often treats widowhood as a transaction. Cross the account, sign the papers and continue.
But what widows need the most is time, clarity and a trusted voice to say, “Yes, you can pay for this. Yes, you’ll be fine.”
The research tells us that widows are often resilient, sometimes even happier in the long term than their male counterparts, because they have community and connection. My experience tells me that when you combine that resilience with financial clarity, the path Vooruit becomes less frightening.
Losing your partner changes everything. But it does not mean that you have to surrender control of your money or your future. Surround yourself with people you trust. Take the time you need before you make big decisions. Become clear about the numbers. And don’t forget that your financial plan should not make you feel small or powerless. It should give you the confidence to live, spend and give you a goal.
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