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Key Takeaways
- True confidence in leadership is quiet, embodied, and independent of external accolades.
- Even top industry advisors suffer from imposter syndrome; trust work is an ongoing process and not a permanent state.
- Confidence is not about the absence of doubt, but about the resilience and humility to grow and show up despite doubt.
Many executives think that trust is loud and comes from success. The reality is that true trust is more subtle. It’s not something you think about. It requires you to look inward, be honest with yourself, and be open to continued growth.
As a certified confidence coach applying trauma-informed best practices, I’ve worked with senior advisors from household names like Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg, and Reed Hastings. These individuals can move markets and influence billions of people, but they still struggle with trust and imposter syndrome, and fear that one day they will be “discovered.”
Rarely do they reach out wanting to “be more confident.” Yet many of their challenges – influencing at the board level, navigating complex relationships and confronting their boss – are tied to a trust gap. As we deal with their challenges and how to be more effective in the workplace, they realize that there are many misconceptions about leadership trust. Let’s explore them.
Myth #1: Confidence is loud
To be liked, trusted, and truly influence others, it’s not about how much or how loud you speak. I remember an executive asking me to review the transcript of a senior leadership meeting they had been invited to. I pointed out that the highest-ranking person in the meeting only spoke two or three times during the hour-plus meeting, yet completely changed the direction of the conversation. She was confident and knew when her voice would make the biggest impact.
Leaders often confuse loudness with confidence. They think they just have to speak out more to appear confident. The reality is that the most powerful people are often the quietest in the room. They know when to say something and what to say.
Related: 6 Ways to Build Unshakable Business Trust
Myth #2: Confidence is charisma
There is a difference between being charming and being influential. While charm may work in certain situations, it will not lead to real, lasting trust as a leader. This is especially true as more companies embrace AI and technology and seek data to support their decisions.
Of course, it can be helpful to role-play about trust to learn what it feels like in your body. But ‘faking it ’til you make it’ isn’t real confidence. It can even be counterproductive if you don’t come across as authentic. Charisma can be seen as performative. Trust is something you internalize and embody.
Myth #3: Trust comes from results
I have lost count of the number of times I have heard leaders say some variation of, “I will be confident if….” They typically believe that once they receive a certain title or award – a constantly moving target – they will feel confident.
While there is nothing wrong with external achievements boosting your self-confidence, chasing external evidence keeps you dependent on outside approval. Instead of outsourcing your self-confidence, consider how to find it within yourself.
A quick way to start is to make a list of what makes you a good fit for your role, along with evidence to support it. This second step is critical to combating imposter syndrome because it helps you internalize your successes instead of attributing them to luck or coincidence.
Myth #4: Confidence eliminates doubt
Trust is not a panacea. As much as you might wish it, boosting your self-confidence or tackling your imposter syndrome won’t completely eliminate your feelings of doubt. Yes, you may feel more confident in your ability to make decisions and minimize your regrets, but you will likely doubt yourself from time to time.
The truth is, the most confident leaders are also humble and curious. They realize that they are constantly learning and asking questions. I’ve coached executives at some of the largest technology companies in the world, managing billions of dollars in budgets and influencing thousands of employees. I find that the more confident they are, the more open they are to feedback, learning and growing. They recognize that confidence is not the absence of doubt, but the ability to keep showing up anyway.
Related: Stuck on ‘What if it doesn’t work?’ Ask yourself these 3 questions
Myth #5: Trust is permanent
Many leaders believe that once they feel confident, it will last forever. They think that once they achieve that, their work will be done.
The truth is that trust is a feeling that varies in intensity. It can also be affected by difficult coworkers and bosses, reorganizations, layoffs, and life transitions. Building confidence is like building a muscle. It requires consistent effort and will deteriorate if you don’t work it out.
Ultimately, trust is nuanced. It’s not about being loud and charming or relying on titles to feel worthy. It’s about knowing when to speak up, internalizing your performance, and staying open to learning. These are the things that will build your self-confidence and keep it strong throughout your career and life. You got this!