Dear Abby: I want to end a relationship. My husband and I met a few about three years ago through mutual friends. We are 20 years older than they are and live an hour’s drive. When the mutual friends left, we thought this would be the end, but this few pursued a friendship and guilty of the long journey to ‘hang’ with them, which stated that we were their only friends. Then we learned that they had a child in the forty. They now have two children.
I raised my children and I am no longer interested in toddlers. I want to end it between the distance and the flawless company. I think it would be ghosts, and I want to tell them honestly (and carefully) that we no longer want to visit. My husband doesn’t agree. He thinks we should continue the Charade to our immense displeasure. Advice? – Southern disconnection
Best disconnection: I don’t agree with your husband. The problem with playing Charades is that not all players can decode the Pantomime. Save yourself a world of frustration (in addition to the money you spend on fuel) and tell the couple that it is time for them to make friends with other parents of young children in their community. Explain that you have raised a family, and the journey is tough for you, that’s why you call it.
If you are their only friends as they have said, it is important that they cultivate relationships with other parents, even if their children can enter into relationships with other children.
Dear Abby: I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. A colleague AA member recently critical injury at a motorcycle accident and had been on the ICU for several weeks. I regularly visited the hospital, brought cookies and offer support to his girlfriend, who is also in the program.
During my last visit I unknowingly arrived at the exact moment that doctors started to withdraw lifestination. I had no idea that it would happen and witnessed the kind of raw sorrow that comes in such moments. Then I hugged his girlfriend and left quietly. Only later did I learn that many in our AA group knew that he was being achieved that day of living support.
I have been destroyed now. I am worried that his girlfriend and family think that I showed up intentionally and penetrate at such a deep private, painful moment. I am afraid that I did damage where I was only planning to help. I don’t know when I will see her again to make it right. How do I get to terms with what I have done? – Deeply sad in Oklahoma
Best deeply sad: You cannot blame yourself for something that you did not know. During the weeks that you visited that man and his girlfriend in the hospital, I am sure you brought comfort to the girlfriend and every family member you encountered. The next time you see her, tell her how sorry you are for her loss, that you did not know how close her friend was to the end and you apologized when your presence caused someone to hurt. (I’m sure it didn’t do!)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact Best Abby on www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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