Best Abby: I live with a man I admire very much.
We bought our first house when we were 23. We had two children together and also raised my sister. We both work and want for nothing.
The problem? He is an alcoholic. He never gets loud or in common; He just goes to sleep quietly.
From the outside he looks like the best man. But Abby, I am so lonely that I sometimes cry. He sleeps at 2 p.m. at 2 p.m. We almost never go out.
We are both 57, all children have moved and we should have fun. I want to travel, dance and walk. He is happy to get drunk in the garage. Staff!
– Lonesome Out West
Best lonesome: Did you talk to him to see what issues have led him to live in this way?
Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that you are really married to this man. Life is not a rehearsal and you have paid your contribution. If your dream is to dance and walk, go outside and do it. Because you want to travel, you reign to do it with friends.
Because “Rip van Winkle” is fainting, it will not be like you neglect him and he won’t miss you.
And because you have not indicated that you are planning to end your relationship, consider Al-Anon meetings So you can find support and the power to live your life the way you want, what he did.
Dear Abby: I recently made contact again with a woman with whom I went briefly in the 1980s and had not seen since.
She is around my age. We were both married for a year, had daughters apart for a year and divorced after 20-year-old marriages.
She saw me on a social media site and suggested that I would call her to ‘catch up’ what I did.
This led to an invitation to meet each other for a snack and talk more, which I liked to accept. We live two hours apart and I drove to her house to meet her. We had a great day and evening, and while I left, I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, after which she planted one on me.
I didn’t expect it, but it was great! I felt like a student. I had forgotten that these kinds of feelings were even possible.
We have spent every weekend together since that meeting last month. I have a special place in my heart for her, even from so long ago.
My problem: I said the “L-word” way too early. I had to rectify my misstep and explain that it was intended to represent ‘caring and affection’, instead of being romantic ‘in love’, which is a constant, long -term process for me (usually).
I told her that I have no expectation of her reciprocity, and I just wanted her to know that I did care and always did that.
I know that some women (and maybe men) shiver to hear these words too quickly in a relationship; She might be one of them.
Is there anything else that I can do to reduce her fear as we progress? Is there a recommended time frame for the correct confessing of someone’s romantic love?
– Former ex in Texas
Dear former ex: I wish you had said how this woman reacted when the word ‘love’ escaped your lips. Are she hitting? Shrink? Silence?
There is no timetable for expressing love. The time to use the word is when one feels it. Sometimes the feeling takes; Sometimes not.
Take your instructions from her from now on. If what you said would make her uncomfortable, you would already know. Let your relationship progress at its own pace and resist the urge to force it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact Best Abby on www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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