Dear Abby: A few years ago I was introduced to a Catholic priest after hired me to give him conversation lessons. (He was visiting another country; English is not his first language.) We took it off and discovered that we had a lot in common. After the lessons were over, we stayed in contact.
Not long after, he returned to his home country. Since then we have regularly emailed and sent an SMS and cut video during the holidays. I love my friendship with him and he seems to feel the same.
But to be honest, I am a bit in love with him. I hoped it would fade, but it isn’t. I feel somewhat guilty about it and wonder if I am unfair by not telling him. Do I have to say something and run the risk of having friendship (which I really enjoy) end up? Or is it okay to keep these kinds of secrets? – Crushing on the Coast
Best crushing: As long as you have “a bit of a crush” no negative influence on the rest of your life, I see no reason to burden the priest with this secret. However, if it causes a disruption in the relationships you have (that is, with a spouse or friend), speak and be prepared for the relationship to delay, if not ended up.
Dear Abby: I recently divorced after a 37-year marriage. My friend, ‘Grant’, has long been divorced. He is a sweet man – honest, intelligent, healthy, helpful, neat and a great communicator. Our physical relationship is also great.
My problem? Grant has two small dogs that sleep in bed with him. They have had puppies since they were. They are now 11 and 13 years old. I have a big dog sleeping on the floor in bed and is not allowed on furniture. He doesn’t throw off. The dogs can all handle each other well.
I once slept in the bed of Grant when his dogs were at the kennel and was damned by the dog hair on the sheets, duvet, etc., even after the sheets were washed. Having dogs in the bed would disrupt my sleep, so if I spent the night, I sleep in the guest room of Grant. (He does not think it is fair to disturb his ‘children’ sleep packages after all these years.) I would rather fall asleep and wake up next to him, but this only happens on vacations away from home.
I am tired of sleeping apart, but I don’t feel like giving ultimatums. Is he right that he does not want to disrupt the sleeping habits of the dogs to accommodate me once or twice a week? – Sleeping solo in oregon
Best sleep solo: I think your friend is right. Because Grant has used his dogs to sleep in his bed (not to mention the fact that the bed is filthy), I don’t think it would be practical to disturb them at this stage of their lives. In the nights that you are in place, it can be more logical for Grant to spend the night in the room with you until his sleeping friends cross the rainbow bridge.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby on http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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