While most teams have managers and team leaders, many also have something less official, but just as recognizable: the “workplace parent.”
They are the point of contact for advice. . . even for things that may not even be work related. They remember birthdays, organize parties and somehow have everything you need.
Paper clip? No problem. Jumper cables? Naturally. The phone number of the receptionist you’re too scared to call. Don’t worry, they did it for you.
But what does it actually mean to be the administrator of your workplace? And can that caring nature sometimes hold you back professionally? Here are four signs you’re the parent in the workplace, plus the risks. . . and how to retreat if necessary.
You are the one who has everything for everyone
Jamie Jackson has been an HR professional for 21 years. Known as the “workplace parent,” she says, they’re not that hard to spot: Look for the person who regularly hands out “batteries, a Band-Aid, Tylenol,” she says.
Jackson explained that while cleaning out her old office, she realized how much she had leaned into the role. “I had things like birthday candles, a lighter and every kind of painkiller you can imagine,” she says. “Oh, aren’t you taking ibuprofen? Don’t worry, I have Aleve and Tylenol.”
For her, it wasn’t just about being prepared; it was about making sure everyone around her felt supported.
“I don’t think it’s necessarily just an HR thing,” she says. “I just want to make sure people are taken care of and that they get what they need. If it meant I always had a few of these things on my desk, I would.”
You are the helping hand
Another way to spot a parent in the workplace is to see how often people turn to you for guidance or advice.
“If they know they can trust you to help them, then you’re probably the parent in the workplace,” says Jackson.
It often shows up in the small moments: when colleagues seek your help with something they’re unsure about or just need someone to listen.
A clear sign? When a colleague comes to you and says, “I need help. I don’t know what to do.” And you give them a tissue box, close the office door and just let them ventilate.
You are responsible for the fun
As a parent in the workplace, this often means being the fun committee for the office.
Maybe you’re the person who remembers all the little things, like coworkers’ birthdays or what kind of pets they have.
“At the beginning of each month, I would check whose birthday was coming up, get the cards ready, make sure they were signed, and send them out a few days early. Not too early, because I didn’t want it to seem forced,” says Jackson.
Or maybe you’re the standard event organizer, planning happy hours, team parties and even bridal or baby showers. “I was often the one who said, ‘Let’s do this in the break room,’” she adds.
While being a parent in the workplace is an honorable, nurturing role, it can come with some disadvantages.
Why do people do this?
According to organizational psychologist Erica Pieczonka, being a workplace parent often comes from a better-known term: people-pleasing.
“A people pleaser measures his self-worth by being helpful to others; what motivates him is being helpful,” says Pieczonka. This can look like someone who simply can’t say no, or when a colleague needs help, he already comes up with a solution or offers to fix it.
The behavior may stem from a fawning response a person has had since childhood, where he or she constantly tries to please authority figures for validation.
If you’re the go-to helper, your career can be quietly sabotaged if you’re not careful.
“Sometimes it distracts you from your ‘real’ job,” says Jackson. While admirable, it can become risky if the president starts wondering, “What is that lady even doing?” Jackson notes.
Pieczonka says parents in the workplace often neglect their own career goals because they are so focused on those of others. They may also struggle with delegation. “They may feel, ‘If I ask someone else to do this, it will be a burden on them, so I have to do it myself,’ or they may think, ‘It’s easier for me to just do it.'”
Moreover, they ultimately carry the emotional burden of the team. They are the ones who “plan social gatherings,” and the people colleagues go to “when they have emotional problems.”
Even in situations where they have to give criticism, they can be reluctant.
“They often tone it down or withdraw because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings,” Pieczonka says. But yes, “the other person does not benefit from really understanding how he can improve.” By constantly solving other people’s problems, parents inadvertently create dependency in the workplace, preventing colleagues from learning to tackle challenges on their own.
“The parent in the workplace takes away the challenge,” Pieczonka explains.
This pattern can build up over time, making it more difficult to maintain job performance and satisfaction.
“Burnout is my biggest concern,” says Pieczonka.
The solution? Boundaries
Jackson began protecting her time by scheduling support rather than providing it on demand.
If someone came along in crisis mode, she would offer, “Today is not a good day. But what if I give you 15 to 20 minutes tomorrow?” she explains. People often slept on it and no longer had to talk.
And when someone insisted on immediate handholding, she switched into tough-love mode: “This is a job for big boys and big girls,” she said. “You have to take charge and deal with it.”
Pieczonka adds that setting boundaries starts with understanding your own capabilities. Ask yourself, “What am I actually investing time in? Is this the right investment of time and what are my real priorities?” she says.
She also recommends asking first before assuming someone needs your help. “Many parents in the workplace assume that they have to be the person to help, or that the person wants their help,” but that may not be the case.
If you find yourself doing this, ask yourself: Am I the right person to help right now? Do I know this person needs my help?
Finally, she emphasizes that self-care should be viewed as strategic rather than selfish. Parents in the workplace may feel selfish taking care of themselves because their value is tied to helping others, but you have to fill your own cup.
“Schedule it—five minutes of meditation, a walk, a workout, whatever you need—and treat it as non-negotiable every week.”
It comes in handy as a parent in the workplace, but protecting your time and setting boundaries ensures you can continue to help others without losing yourself in the process.
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