At the time I lived in Manhattan and he lived in Brooklyn. Going to his house seemed like a hassle and there was no point in paying two rents. Then there was the night he fell asleep on the subway on his way home alone. He slept as the train pulled to the end of the line at Coney Island and woke back up in Manhattan.
I thought living together made sense, after all I owned my studio apartment and lived near where he went to graduate school. It seemed like a romantic and very practical thing to do.
This is why he was in shock: We had only been dating for three months. My invitation knocked him flat to the ground where he stayed to process what I said. (He eventually recovered and asked me to marry him shortly after. We did everything pretty quickly at that time.)
But our story is not that unusual. Expensive real estate plays cupid with couples and accelerates relationships through cohabitation. It’s a move that feels exciting and romantic and seems financially sensible (at least as long as the relationship remains intact).
Consider this national 2025 Survey Apartments.com, in which couples were asked about their motivation to move in together:
- A third of renters moved in with their partner to save money and 28 percent of couples moved in within six months of starting a relationship.
- Nearly half of renters (49 percent) later debated continuing a relationship solely because they shared a lease.
- Of these, 55 percent stayed longer than they wanted due to housing problems.
Living together is especially attractive if you live in an expensive city like New York, because it allows you to live larger Irina Firstein, a relationship therapist from New York. “With two incomes you can have a larger apartment in a better environment than if you live separately,” she says.
It also means no messy roommates or lack of privacy.
Still, many couples — especially professionals between the ages of 20 and 35 — are driven by the high cost of housing and make the decision to live together somewhat prematurely, Firstein said.
Breaking up is hard
Moving in together before you really know each other well puts a lot of pressure on a couple, and if the relationship doesn’t work out, you will have to deal with a tough search for a home, on top of heartbreak.
“Splitting up is also very problematic, because they usually cannot pay the rent on their own,” says Firstein. “Couples often stay together longer because of the rental situation or because they do not want to live with other people again or move in with their family.”
Are you thinking about saying the M words (come in with me) to someone you barely know? This Valentine’s Day, we’re looking back at some of Brick’s best advice on balancing relationships and real estate.
Take our quiz
NYC-proof your relationship! Check in with each other about the importance of alone time, cleanliness, and other habits before permanently sharing a space. Because dating and staying over are one thing, and daily live-in situations are something completely different. Read: “8 questions to ask before moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend in New York.”
Do the math
A 2022 StreetEasy report looked at how much money two New Yorkers had can save by living together in a bedroom. View the interactive map to discover your individual discount. Read: “New York couples can save nearly $30,000 on rent by living together.”
Follow the rules
New York roommate law gives most tenants the right to have a roommate, and generally all you have to do is tell the landlord their name and the fact that he or she has moved in with you. To stay on the right side of the rules, read: “How much information should I give the landlord before I move in with my boyfriend?”
Protect your investment
Here’s what you need to know if one of you owns the apartment and how to protect yourself in the event of a breakup and things get really ugly. We are talking about the worst case scenario: legal action to recover the rental payments and force a sale of the apartment. Read: “Can my boyfriend claim ownership of my apartment if we break up?”
Meeting with the One
Are you having trouble finding someone to love and live with? Read a story from our archives of an intrepid New Yorker who posted on Craiglist that she was looking for a live-in boyfriend — and the long list of necessary qualifications, including “respect and kindness.” Watch: “Roommate/Boyfriend Wanted: One Woman’s Daring Quest to Solve Two Perennial NYC Challenges at Once.”
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