Earlier in the summer, the Blues shocked their own fan base when they won the extremely promising young forward Zach Bolduc to the Canadiens in exchange for their rising defensive prospect, Logan Mailloux.
At the time it was quite a mystery. Bolduc had been a highly touted prospect in recent years, with over 50 goal seasons behind him in the juniors, and after dipping his toes in the bigs during the 2023-2024 season, he burst onto the scene when Jim Montgomery took over as Blues skipper in November 2024 by completing his season with 19 goals (good for 6th place on the team).
However, what impressed me most about Bolduc wasn’t his stats, but what other teams did in response to him during games. He was only 21 for most of last season, and once he got on the right track, teams like the Avalanche and other top contenders clearly planning their entire penalty murder defense around him and his disgusting one-timer. Not Robert Thomas, candidate for the Canadian Olympic team, and not perennial 30+ goal scorer Jordan Kyrou, 21-year-old Zachary Bolduc.
So what on earth could have happened that, after such a good campaign at age 21, would have led to Doug Armstrong trading him in for a man who needs some serious coaching on his dating profile? (To see here for reference, I don’t have time)
So considering Bolduc’s impressive season just above the drinking age (not that STL cares about that for its athletes) and Mailloux competing with Deshaun Watson due to questionable off-field/ice issues, it must have turned out to be a pretty solid trade when it comes to hockey, right?
Wrong. In 8 games, Bolduc has already scored 4 goals and is an OK -1 (on pace for a 30-goal season), and Mailloux is a terrible -7 as a defender.
So what could have made Armstrong make the move, given the off-ice issues, Bolduc looking like our next Jordan Kyrou and Mailloux having no NHL experience?
- Kicked Armstrong’s dog across the ice at Enterprise. Calling Army a muppet fuck during arbitration? Honestly. Tweet from your burner account when your health is being bombarded that Armstrong hasn’t showered since the 2019 Cup Parade? Also honest. Harm a man’s dog? As far as Canada you go where more than half your contract goes to taxes and you don’t even have real football.
- Walked in on Armstrong dancing to “Pink Pony Club”. No offense to Chappell Roan here, but if you keep Armstrong’s stoic and emotionless attitude of “I don’t care if my first cup winning captain is a top 5 defender in the league, he doesn’t get a movement clause”, lack of attachment to any player, you just can’t be caught singing “GOOOOOODDDDD WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOONNNE”.
- Took Armstrong’s wife to Olive Garden. If you’re going to steal your general manager’s old lady, it better be real Italian food, which doesn’t require bottomless breadsticks in the burbs to make it seem tasty.
- Said something along the lines of “I just don’t think Imo’s is that good” or “Arby’s is better than Lion’s Choice. If this happened, we shouldn’t have traded him. We should have signed him to the worst contract ever for a $500,000 year and then sent him to Winnipeg instead of Montreal, which is actually a respectable city.
- Was discovered as a potential 9/11 conspirator. If you are rumored to be involved in 9/11, you must earn at least 30 PPG net per year. Nowadays, 19 is no longer enough if you want to be a terrorist and play professional hockey.
If you’ve read this far and thought “wait, none of this has anything to do with hockey,” you’re right! Because it’s been almost four months since we made this trade and I still can’t think of a single hockey-related reason why we would trade Bolduc for an unproven defenseman that Tinder confused with Pornhub (please prove me wrong, Mailloux, so I can update this list).
#hypothetical #analysis #Blues #traded #Zach #Bolduc #Logan #Mailloux