7 signs that indicate a narcissist
There are people we encounter in our lives who at first seem charming, kind and completely harmless, but then completely turn around. People with narcissistic personality traits often use tricks to get close to other people and then exploit and even manipulate them.
Certified psychotherapist Sherry Gaba means that narcissists often want to ‘find a person who will fill an important role in their lives’ and that is why they often turn to so-called ‘people pleasers’. While it can be difficult to determine from the start if someone has a narcissistic personality, there are ways to ward off these types of people.
8 Ways to Stay Away from Narcissists
These are eight qualities that are valuable in avoiding toxic and manipulative people, who can make it harder for narcissists to control you.
NOTE: Remember that narcissism is a personality disorder and a licensed psychologist is needed to make such a diagnosis. If you think you are the victim of a narcissist, you should take it seriously and talk to someone about it.
1. You’re not looking for their validation
Someone who has confidence in themselves and knows their own worth does not need to seek validation from others to feel meaningful. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever feel insecure – but having a stable foundation of security means that toxic people will realize that they can’t win you over and control your emotions by, for example, giving you compliments and attention at scheduled times.
2. You don’t value people based on their status
It is more important to you that a person behaves well towards his friends and makes the people around him feel good than that he or she is successful and has a high status. You quickly know who someone is on the inside and therefore rely on that, not on external factors. This will frustrate narcissists because they won’t be able to impress you if it doesn’t feel genuine.
3. You don’t explain your decisions too much
You are direct and firm in your communication and stick to your decisions. Narcissists often make others feel confused in conflict – which can leave you feeling exhausted trying to explain yourself. But by setting clear boundaries and standing up for yourself, your thoughts, and your decisions, a narcissist will realize that you can’t be destroyed by accusations and gaslighting.
4. You will not tolerate being treated poorly
A toxic person may make small and subtle but mean and depressing comments, such as backhanded compliments or nasty jabs. Daring to respond and speak out when this happens will catch a narcissist off guard, who might otherwise not be used to people actually confronting their behavior. You do not accept that you (or anyone else) is treated in a disrespectful manner and will therefore ensure that you distance yourself from the person or keep your foot on the ground.
5. You have good self-control
Being able to stay calm and control your own emotions, rather than losing your temper and throwing a tantrum, is another quality that shows you are a stable and secure person, not easily manipulated or upset. A narcissist is used to creating emotional chaos and making others feel insecure and confused. So being rational in situations that arise and being emotionally mature means that the narcissist cannot reach you so easily.
6. You don’t have to feel singled out to feel valuable
You will not be lost if you are selected or rejected. A common trait of narcissists is that they want to make people feel special and chosen by them in order to gain control. So if you show that you have confidence in yourself and that you have a healthy attitude about not wanting to be chosen, you prove once again that you are not an easy victim of manipulation.
7. You notice patterns
If you are a good reader and have clear intuition, you will notice patterns early on in a toxic or narcissistic person – and see through their manipulative behavior patterns. When you store various problematic situations in your memory, it means that they cannot control the story, because you know what is true and what is not. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Dan Neuharth points out that narcissists hate apologizing – and when they do, they still make other people feel sad and confused. But you see through this and do not accept the behavior pattern.
8. You are selective about who you open up to
You can be a warm and inviting person, but at the same time have integrity and not share all your deepest secrets and feelings with everyone you meet. Instead, you value building close, safe, and healthy bonds with people you know you can trust and tell everything to. This means you avoid accidentally sharing your weaknesses with someone who will use them against you.
Inspiration article: YourTango.
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