A Company can offer all free snacks and on-site massages in the world but if people do not feel you, you are probably still not happy in your work. Increasingly, “the business world is understanding that relationships and culture of relationships at work are the new competitive advantage,” says Esther Perel, a psychotherapist who houses the podcast of the popular couples therapy Where should we start?
In May, Perel shifted her focus from improving relationships at home to improving those who are at work. She raised 100 questions card game With instructions designed to let people open and share stories, hoping to improve team dynamics and to repair the culture of a workplace. Each promptly focuses on one of its four pillars of healthy workplace relationships, connectedness, recognition and collective resilience and it is designed to be played at an off-site meeting, while he goes a new employee on board during a one-on-one check-in, or on a happy hour after work. “This goes much further than your typical ice breaker,” says Perel: telling personal stories at work can make people feel less siled and improve cooperation. During the average All-Hen meeting, for example: “You see where the eyes are going, you can see who is listening, you see the blank cans, you see people on their phone,” she says. “As soon as a person starts telling a story, everyone raises. Now you come to life, you are interested and generate your curiosity.”
We asked Perel how you can increase your workplace relationships – and she suggested starting with these seven questions.
“What brings out the best in you?”
Asking a colleague to share exactly what helps them excel is a “beautiful” way to grow your connection. “It requires a form of self -knowledge and self -awareness,” says Perel. To answer frankly, your colleague must understand what encourages, motivates and pushes them. If you have that information, you no longer have to guess what they prefer; For example, you can learn that when they receive feedback, they want you to go straight instead of chopping your words. If a colleague Perel asked this question, her answer “tell you what I know about myself, what you should know about me and how we can work better,” she says. “It is a question that builds up trust and tells you what recognition is for me.”
“What skill would you like to use more?”
This is a way to do the discrepancy between what a company needs from someone and what that person wants to contribute. “It is the hidden talent that I don’t know I have,” says Perel. And who knows? It can fill an important gap. Talking about skills is a blessing for the company And For the person who can stretch another muscle and use their full skills, she says.
“When is it difficult for you to ask for help?”
For some people it is asking for help “unthinkable”, says Perel – they are just too independent. “It means a defeat; it means that they have to trust other people and trust other people.” By digging in how a colleague thinks about reaching a hand, you could learn that it makes them nervous that they are considered incompetent, that someone else will ultimately take all the honor for their work, or that they will be rejected by the person they turn to. The question raises lightly how someone thinks about “dependence, generosity, cooperation, cooperation, competition and shame,” she says.
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Plus, Perel notes, it costs the temperature of the corporate culture: do employees feel that they have to pretend to know something they don’t do? Or is changing a task in a team effort encouraged? The answer can inspire introspection among managers.
“What does your inner critic like say?”
Initiating a conversation about the harsh words that your colleague has about repetition – those who empty and devalue them – equals vulnerability. If they feel comfortable to open, it is a clear sign that you have created a feeling of psychological safety; They are confident that you will not arm the information in the future. “The more I expose myself, what a risk is that I will take, the more I trust [my colleagues]”Says Perel. Plus, imagine how enlightening it would be to hear, for example, your manager or another director describes the way their inner critic taunts them. In addition to humanizing them, it is an exercise in building empathy – and it can improve the way you pop up and encourage each other.
“What is an important personal object that you keep in your area when you work?”
Before the external work became so common, you could walk into an office and see the photos on someone’s desk or exactly where they will sip all day long. “If you ever wanted to surprise them, you could bring them a green juice or the type of coffee they like,” says Perel. Now however, “we are so often prontexualized in our external work,” she says. “The purpose of this question is to ask someone to his context:” What’s on your table? What does your table even look like? ” The only thing we see is an upper body that does not move. ”
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Learning what a colleague is dear enough to stay in vision while working while working, can help you understand better and bring your relationship to a more meaningful level, she adds.
“When did you really feel recognized by a colleague for the last time?”
Being recognized by a colleague helps employees to “feel”, says Perel. Recognizing someone is also not limited to celebrating their performance: maybe you noticed that they could not squeeze a word during an important meeting, and then you pulled them aside and let you know that you saw what happened. “That feeling of being recognized says,” I am not alone, “says Perel.” It gets in the issue of recognition, it gets in connection with, it gets trust. For me it is an incredibly important question. “
“What is a time that made you proud to work here?”
Your colleagues can probably rattle a number of times that they felt comfortable with their work situation – perhaps finding their daily tasks interesting and even really pleasant. But proudly brings those positive feelings to a deeper level. It shows a conviction that your contributions are important for and the team, which is usually associated with a sense of connectedness. Plus: “If you are proud to work there, you will find the people you are connected to,” says Perel. “If you work with people you can’t stand, you usually don’t feel proud.”
Are you wondering what to say in a difficult social situation? E -Mail timetotalk@time.com
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