The level of sadness that many adults assign doesn’t play much of a role either. For example, some people believe that moving cannot possibly have the same effect on a child as losing a parent. But that’s not how grief works.
“It all depends on the child’s entire cumulative life experience up to that point, and the nature of their relationship,” Eaton said. “Think of it as the hardest thing someone has ever experienced in their life is the hardest thing they’ve ever experienced in their life. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t seem like anything to someone else. If it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever experienced, it’s super overwhelming.”
She also notes that death isn’t everything when it comes to loss, as any major loss can be incredibly profound.
How to provide support to grieving children
For parents or guardians, supporting a grieving child can be challenging, especially if they are also grieving. Eaton notes that adults need to get their own help for their grief, while being there for the children in their lives so they can be available but also move through the grief themselves.
“Adult generations are socialized to be in control, to keep it together, to be strong and not to need help,” she said. “(But) children need a … safe, unconditionally loving adult who can be with them in and out of the puddle, and so when kids are in the puddle, you want to meet them in the puddle and not try to cheer them up, not try to fix them, just validate them.”
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