I just launched a wine app, which means I’ve been thinking obsessively about one thing for the past six months: how do you take the friction out of decisions that shouldn’t be difficult?
The answer taught me something bigger about rituals, and why so many of the rituals we create at the end and beginning of the year fail us.
Here is my founder’s story, but from the wine world.
Last December I stood paralyzed in front of a wall of bottles. Not because I don’t like wine. I do. I was paralyzed because the whole experience was designed to make me feel small. The energy of the sommelier, the gatekeeper language, the implicit message that if I couldn’t name the terroir, I didn’t deserve a good bottle. So I did what I always did: I grabbed the same safe option, went home and told myself I would “leave next time.”
But here’s the founder’s insight that I missed: I wasn’t really looking to expand. The friction was too high. The stakes felt too real. So I repeated the same ritual, same bottle, same outcome, because at least it was safe.
This is exactly how most people approach their end of year and new year rituals. They feel obligated. Performative. Exhausting. You are expected to think deeply, set ten ambitious goals, create a vision board, set up a meditation practice. In theory it all sounds great. In practice? Most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions before January 15.
Here’s why: we design rituals for the person we think we should be, not for the person we actually are.
As a founder, I’ve learned that the best products remove the friction around what people actually want to do. The same principle applies to rituals. So instead of telling you to rethink your entire approach, here’s what really works:
1. Review your rituals for performance versus authenticity
Before the new year, write down your current rituals and practices. Your morning routine. Your goal setting process. Your end-of-the-day relaxation. The commitments you made to yourself.
Now ask: Which of these would I do when no one was looking? Which ones feel authentic to how I actually want to live?
If your answer is “Honestly, not much,” you’ve identified your problem. You are living someone else’s ritual. I built Theodora because I realized I was performing wine expertise rather than just enjoying wine. When I deleted that performance, everything changed.
- Replace goal setting with three key questions
Instead of your 10-goal action plan, try this framework:
- What am I actually spending time on if nothing is asked of me? (What you are naturally attracted to.)
- Who do I want to spend more time with? (Which relationship matters.)
- What outcome would make 2026 feel like a victory, stripped of all achievements? (What success actually looks like to you, not what it should look like.)
Write these down. These three answers are your real ritual. Everything else is just context.
Most people I know abandon their New Year’s resolutions because those resolutions are designed based on someone else’s standard of success. If you build from what is really important to you, the rituals will stick.
- Identify your friction points and remove them
As I was building the app, I asked myself: What’s stopping people from choosing the wine they love? The answer was friction: too many options, unclear labels, judgment if you didn’t know the language.
So I deleted it. Simplified the decision. Let people be honest about what they wanted.
Do the same with your rituals. What stands in your way when you set your goals? Don’t judge yourself for not being “disciplined” enough and instead build systems that are easy for you. Do you hate planning spreadsheets? Don’t use them. Do you feel guilty about not keeping a diary? Don’t keep a diary. Find the exercise that really works for your brain and your life, not the one that looks good on Instagram.
The people I respect the most aren’t the ones with the fanciest routines. They are the ones whose rituals are so well designed for their real lives that the rituals almost disappear. They just work.
Here’s what’s most important for anyone developing a 2026 strategy, whether for business goals, leadership development, or personal goals:
Stop designing your rituals for who you think you should be. Stop performing. Explore what really works, build on what you really care about, and remove the friction that keeps you stuck repeating last year’s choices.
Good rituals don’t feel like work. They feel like they were made for you, because they were.
As we enter the new year, that’s the framework I offer: stop trying to look good. Start designing the rituals that actually move you forward. Everything else is just noise.
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