I spent the whole weekend folding and repairing clothes. I threw away all the boxes and poured my soul into making this place, mine and Gunnel’s.
I slept so well and yesterday for the first time in years I lay down and read a book before going to sleep, new nice routines and a different consciousness in the now, choosing what feels best and most true. To care for me and be afraid of me and my energy. But then I woke up in the middle of the night and started folding the laundry that hadn’t dried yet when I went to bed. I feel in my body how there is a willingness, in the sense that I now have to do things and solve it myself. That everything depends on me.
Today is the first day that I will pick up Gunnel and we will go to “mother’s house”. Just like when I went to work after maternity leave and we found that ‘mom works’, we thought it would be good and nice to have a word for where the other parent is when she asks.
In the stillness and stillness, I have found a deep breath that I haven’t had in years. A no-load time has occurred. Hours that can be spent however I want and time to pause and still make. A peace and clarity of mind. And there is probably no force or energy stronger than that of a parent who wants to create something beautiful for their child. I barely sat down all weekend. Have a quick meal and then continue. But now everything is clear. At least at home. There is no solution anymore. Everything I thought of and wanted to fix is fixed. And it turned out better than all my expectations.
Yesterday Petra and I went to IKEA and filled two carts with rugs and coffee tables and bookcases for Gunnel.
Well, Petra. Who keeps quiet, who takes the time to go to IKEA in gray powdery rain-straw weather, who shares your ambition to create beautiful and who uses his mind to come up with the best solutions. And screwing furniture together instead of screwing it together. I have felt so held. Thanks for always.
I was almost nervous and moved as I folded all of Gunnel’s clothes and tried to make play corners and fun for her.
The beloved building kits from @modu.dk that are now ready as a kitchen.
The welcoming committee on Gunnel’s side of the bed.
It will take some getting used to, but I hope it will land and that we will find our rhythm as a duo. I bought her favorite food and Blueyt toothbrush and everything I could think of to make her feel welcome, curious and safe.
These days felt a bit surreal and in my bubble. Now reality will set in and it will probably feel a little safer once I’ve done the pick up/drop off with a cart and agreed to fix it together.
<3
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