More people identify as bisexual Then as a lesbian or gay. Yet bisexuality is usually largely misunderstood, and people who are bi are exposed to “so many negative messages, both from heterosexual people as well as lesbian and gays,” says Tania Israel, a professor of counseling psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who gave one Tedx Talk about bisexuality. “Many bisexual people do not actually identify openly as bisexual, largely because of the concern about exclusion and the negativity they get.”
The worst – and the most common – reaction that Israel hears is that bisexuality does not exist. When someone says they are bi, other people often spot, and challenged what the other person told them or answered that they should just be confused. “Some people will say:” Well, I think it’s just a phase – you’re on your way to coming out as a lesbian or gay, “says Israel.” Interesting is that people often think that bisexual women are really straight, and bisexual men are really homo. Everyone thinks people are actually attracted to men. “
Why people tend to reject bisexuality
Gender still plays a prominent role in how many people categorize others. When someone reveals that gender is not the most important characteristic in terms of whom they are attracted, or the shares that are attracted to more than one gender, “that this primacy of gender really threatens,” says Israel.
Read more: What to say when a loved one comes out
Deviating, invalid comments can take a toll from people who identify themselves as BI. “One of the things we know is that when people come across that kind of messages, this can influence their mental health,” says Israel. “It can certainly influence their relationship with that person, and it can also influence whether or not they want to share that information with other people.”
A whole series of offensive comments
Another bucket of common reactions when someone reveals that they are bi: comments that reduce the person to their sexuality or they hypersexualize. “They are like:” Ok, bisexuals exist, but only for sex, “says Israel. People often make comments such as:” Are you coming to me? “Or, if they come out for their partner like bisexual, their partner may think they are trying to open the relationship. “Oh, do you want three?” It reduces someone to sex, and it is very objective. “
Sometimes people follow a different approach: they tell the person who is bisexual to ‘prove it’. Israel has found that they can ask themselves: “Have you had sex with both men and women? Do you also feel attracted to both men and women?” “It’s very intrusive,” she says. “There is a huge basket with terrible things that people can say.”
What to say instead
When people support the right way for those who are bisexual, this can “make a measurable difference in terms of positive mental health,” says Israel.
There are different ways to do that. To begin with, when someone stands up for you as Bi, thanks for telling and trusting. Let them know that you are there for them if they need an ear and consider adding: “I would like to hear more about what bisexuality means to you, because every sexual orientation can mean so many different things,” Israel suggests. It can be useful to add: “I know that there are many great things about bisexual, but I also know that bisexual people are sometimes confronted with negativity and exclusion. How is it for you?”
Read more: The surprising health benefits of spicy food
Also make it a point to ask your friend if they have been able to find good role models and sources. People who are bi are usually less connected to the LGBTQ+ communitySays Israel, which can lead to feelings of insulation. Organizations like it Ambi have chapters in the US and the Bisexual resource center Works to help the bi community thrive.
If you are not bisexual, make it a point to learn more about how your friend also identifies. This can help ensure that you have the most supportive conversations. “It is not uncommon for stereotypes in people’s heads when someone comes to them, so this is one of the times that when that happens, you don’t necessarily need to get out of your mouth,” says Israel. “It is useful to teach yourself – but not to rely on a bisexual person to inform you about bisexuality. Go and do something of your own learning, and then you can be a more supporting person.”
Are you wondering what to say in a difficult social situation? E -Mail timetotalk@time.com
#worst #bisexual