Doctor in Clinical Psychology
October 2, 2025
If I have to ground myself or go out of a funk, I cook or sing.
It makes the vicious circle short circuit between thinking, feeling worthless and then doing things that an emotional hangover will cause. It is also a great way to feel creative again and to feed myself. That is the self -care that works for me.
The problem is that what we sometimes call self -care, is really self -softening, and the long -term costs are enormously heavier than the benefit in the short term. When “Only one drink!” The rabbit hole descends from excessness, whereby your body, bank balance and well -being pay the price, that not Self -care.
The difference between self -sewing and self -care
We all soften ourselves. It gives us comfort and distracts us in difficult times, including things such as taking a hot tub, getting a chic drink in your favorite juice bar or freeing work or childcare.
However, self -softening helps us not to go further or to remedy the situation. Or it can lead to an emotional, physical or financial hangover. As with exaggerated alcohol, any escape behavior can be used in excess, from shopping to food to sex. This can also look like entertaining our anxious thoughts or exaggerating talking about our problems, believing that we will feel better – if we are ultimately lost in ruminating, analyzes of paralysis and living in the apocalypse.
Self -care, on the other hand, is about finding meaning in life and doing things that support our growth. To understand the difference between self -care and self -sewing, psychologist Jonathan Marshall, Ph.D.compares it with the Tibetan Buddhist ideas about self -compassion and self -cherishing. For him, self -compassion is aware of someone’s current circumstances and wanting to improve things; This is the root of self -care. Self -cherishing, however, is “when you go one step further, and you make yourself expensive and separate from others, for example by saying:” I earn that handbag of $ 30,000, even if it means I caught my account. ”
Simply put, self -digestion (or self -softening) runs the risk of being self -centered and myopic, because “if you are planning a good intention for yourself or someone else, you don’t do something that you go bankrupt.”
What real self -care looks like
Self -care must work for you and with you
“I’m not going to meditate for two hours,” says a new customer, as if I would prescribe that.
Another complains: “I am so sick of what the company-lellness program says to do me. It is something else on my task list and I feel even more overloaded!”
The problem is that every form of self -care that is blindly copied runs the risk of making you feel worse. In the Instagram era it is easy to believe that a beautiful Instagramable hot tub or a trendy unicorn latte can be the solution. But self -care goes deeper than that. To start with you actually have to enjoy Take bubble baths or drink the latte. It must coordinate with you.
For an introvert it could take care of their plants; For an extrovert it can hang out with a group of friends. Experimenting and finding solutions that match your lifestyle, personality and goals is the key.
If your self-care method happens to be InstagramableAnd You are an avid Instagrammer – great. If not, no biggie.
Self -care extends beyond going for that retreat
Sometimes a retreat can make us thorough or donate with the time and space for a forced reset. But even more important, we must determine an intention for how that will serve us. Otherwise we run the risk that we will feel miserable or lost in our head, and they will come back even worse. That can make us feel helpful.
A refuge must be considered in terms of what I “and what?” ask. Of course you can lose weight, learn to meditate or eat for a week because you are in a situation that facilitates it. We must have a strategy to ensure that these profits and new habits actually integrate into real life. Otherwise it is just the cycle of burnout, escaped to withdraw and return to the reality to wait until the next burnout happens.
Self -care is not only reactive
Most of how we see self -care is a response to a disruption in our emotional state. But self -care is not only reactive; It is fundamentally about creating a supporting basis for our lives.
And that is why self -care is not always glamorous. The point is to ensure that our laundry is ready, the toilet is clean and our bellies are fed. The point is to have control over our finances, to take care of our health and mind and to be part of the community. It is also about possessing our inner demons – Anxiëties, traumas and uncertainties. Or more accurately, what we call “adults” – vills that we do not learn at night, that nobody taught us at school, that we have to practice.
Ask to ensure that you practice real self -care
1.
Can you recognize what is going on?
We lie to ourselves because it sometimes feels strange to say that we have some kind of negative feelings – because we are weak or strange. But being human is having emotions.
The simplest start is to easily recognize what is going on, in a business way. Like, “(situation) happens and I feel (emotion), and I think (thought).”
You will be surprised how taking ownership is empowerment.
2.
What do you need to shorten the vicious circle of your worthless or consideration?
This can be self -softening and you discover this best by experimenting. Marshall says that for some people it might play a video game, while for someone else it might be based on body, such as walking or getting a massage. For others it can be a beer. In essence, it should be something that prevents us from being obsessed with, a “break of the disturbance”. He notes: “Someone who could absorb in electronics can ruminize if they went for a walk.”
The most important thing that we need to know is that it is not exaggerated and that we apply our brakes.
One thing I encourage my customers is to ground themselves, simply by sliding their feet on the floor and going back into their bodies instead of being lost in their heads. After this you follow three deep breaths to reset the fear center in the brain.
3.
What should you do to supplement yourself?
Here I invite my customers to wonder What can I do to take the best care for myself now?
It can be one of the three categories:
- Something that brings you joy: What makes your heart laugh or gives you meaning and goal? It can garden, hug your dog or read your favorite book.
- Something that brings order to your life: Often our environments reflect our Frazzled spirit. If so, you can start tackling part of your house that must be cleaned or organized. Start small and build Momentum.
- Something that gives you a sense of control: This may be something that you already know and can improve, or a skill that you always wanted to pick up, from another language to cooking to strength training.
4.
How can you encourage yourself to keep doing this?
When we treat ourselves, dopamine flows into the synapses in our brains, and that sense of reward ensures that we want to do it over and over again. I encourage my customers to have a list of their favorite small rewards in which no new handbag is purchased or three bars lower chocolate. In essence, something is a well -deserved treat after properly practicing self -care.
5.
In which situations do you have no choice but to practice mindful breathing?
I emphasize Mindful breathing (It only takes three minutes!) Because it helps us to stay grounded. We are all trapped in the spiral of excessive thinking and then make unclear decisions because we are not connected to our own wisdom.
Just as you not only learn to save money when you have the debts, you not only practice breathing when you feel anxious or low. And so I always tell my customers, if you have time to go to the bathroom, you have time to practice breathing correctly. They laugh, and that’s how they bind it. For me, it is when I have a face or a massage and have no phone to touch that I am committed to practicing extra long sessions of deep breathing.
To hold it, planning in self -care
When we Frazzled, where do we start?
A simple tip is to plan these activities in your agenda instead of waiting for the crunch time. Keep it simple and not too complicated – it’s easy to be ambitious and wants to do everything at the same time. Remember that baby steps create Momentum and make exalted plans overwhelming.
The views in this article are those of one expert. They are the opinions of the expert and do not necessarily represent the views of Mindbodygreen, nor do they represent the full picture of the subject. This article is only for informative purposes and is not a replacement for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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