Many people spend an incredible amount of time worrying about how to be more successful in life. But what if that’s the wrong question? What if the real struggle for many of us is not how to be successful, but how to do so actually feel successful?
That is the problem that many strivers really face, according to the ex-Googler neuroscientist and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff. In her book Small experimentsshe explores how to get off the treadmill of constantly striving for the next milestone, and instead find joy in the process of growth and uncertainty.
“You’re probably doing better than you give yourself credit for.” she explained on LinkedIn recently, before giving ten telltale signs that you don’t want to achieve more, but want to recognize your achievements more.
Do you suffer from ‘success dysmorphia’?
Before we get to these signs, I want to convince you that you’re probably being way too hard on yourself when it comes to how well you’re doing in life. Start by considering the concept of dysmorphia. You’ve probably heard the term in connection with eating disorders. In that context, dysmorphia occurs when you have a distorted image of your body. You see a much bigger person in the mirror than the rest of the world sees when they look at you.
But dysmorphia does not only occur in relation to appearance. A recent poll found that 29% of Americans (and more than 40% of young people)experience ‘money dysmorphia’. That is, even though they are objectively doing well financially, they constantly feel like they are falling behind.
Financial experts agree that thanks to a firehose of unrealistic images and often questionable money advice onlineIt is becoming increasingly common for people to have a distorted view of how well they are actually doing when it comes to money.
Or take the idea of “productivity dysmorphia”, popularized by author Anna Codrea-Rado. Ina widely shared essayshe presented herself as a sufferer, revealing that despite working frantically and fruitfully, she never felt like she had done enough.
“If I write down everything I’ve done since the start of the pandemic – pitching and publishing a book, presenting a media award, twopodcasts– I feel overwhelmed. The only thing more overwhelming is that I feel like I haven’t done anything at all,” she wrote in 2021.
That means she did all that in just over a year and still feels inadequate. That’s crazy. But it’s not uncommon to drive so relentlessly.In Harvard Business ReviewJennifer Moss, author ofThe burnout epidemiccites a Slack report showing that “half of all desk workers say they rarely or never take a break during the workday.” She calls this kind “toxic productivity,” “a common sentiment in today’s work culture.”
10 signs of success
Taken together, this evidence paints a picture of a nation that is quite poor at measuring and celebrating success. The roots of the problem clearly lie deep in our culture and economy. We are reorienting our collective lives to help us all recognize thatthere is such a thing as ‘enough’ is beyond the scope of this column.
But in the meantime, neuroscience can help you take a small step toward greater mental peace by reminding you that things are probably going to be better than you sometimes think. Especially, Le Cunff emphasizes, if you notice these signs of maturity, growth and balance in your life.
- You celebrate small victories.
- Please try againafter failure.
- Youpause before responding.
- Youtaking breakswithout guilt.
- You recover faster from setbacks.
- You ask for help when you need it.
- You arekind to yourselfwhen you make mistakes.
- You notice patterns instead of judging them.
- You make decisions based on values, not pressure.
- You are more curious than concerned about what’s next.
A neuroscientist and a writer agree: practice becoming
Writer Kurt Vonnegut once advised a young correspondent“Practice all art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reports, no matter how good or bad, not to gain money and fame, but to experience what it becomes, to find out what is inside you, to grow your soul.”
In other words: artists agree with neuroscientists. We are all busy working. You will always be busy becoming who you are. You might as well learn to appreciate yourself and the process along the way.
We often feel like we have just one more milestone to reach before we can feel successful. Butthe time to celebrateIt’s not when you’ve achieved success – none of us ever quite get there – it’s in every moment of growth andwisdomalong the journey.
—By Jessica Stillman
This article originally appearedin Fast Company, Inc.’s sister publication.
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