Financially what?!
When we think of intimacy, we usually think of emotional or physical closeness. Finances rarely appear on the list. But financial intimacy—openly sharing your money beliefs, habits, and goals—can bring couples closer together than anything else.
Why money feels taboo
Many Canadians feel very uncomfortable talking about money. At best it feels rude; at worst embarrassing or threatening. These taboos run deep and are rooted in outdated gender roles, rigid ideas about privacy and long-standing power inequalities. For many people-especially women—discussions about money can trigger fear or shame.
But here’s the reality: Couples negotiate about money from the very beginning. After all, deciding who pays for dinner is a financial decision. If the relationship lasts, money will influence almost every part of your daily life.
What financial intimacy gives you
Yes, breaking taboos is difficult. It requires honesty, vulnerability and sometimes uncomfortable conversations. But the reward is enormous. Financial intimacy can:
- Build trust
- Clarify power dynamics and financial responsibility
- Align shared and individual goals
- Raise expectations before they cause conflict
- Reduce resentment, anxiety and stress
- Tackle money anxiety head-on
Money does one of the biggest stressors for Canadians, so you have nothing to lose but sleepless nights. Strengthen your financial connection to improve not only your relationship, but your overall quality of life.
Let’s Talk Money (And Don’t Panic)
There is no formula for financial intimacy; it’s a process. Start gently. If money is off limits in your relationship, get out”financial stalemate’with curiosity, not with confrontation.
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Recognize that you may think differently about money than your partner. Ask open questions and lead with curiosity. Try “what if” scenarios (such as “What would you do if you won $10,000?”) to find out how your partner thinks. And because these conversations can be intense, agree on a pause word so you can both tap when you need to catch your breath.
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The conversations that matter
At some point you will want to talk about finances in your specific relationship. You don’t need all the answers at once, but you should be able to explore questions such as:
- Do we combine finances or do we keep things separate?
- How do we divide the expenses?
- What are our main goals (housing, travel, children, retirement) and are they shared?
- How do we deal with individual objectives?
- Are we going to spend or save windfalls?
- What debt is shared, and how are we going to repay it?
- How much “fun money” feels comfortable each month?
- What changes if a partner earns more, or stops earning altogether?
Some questions will be easier to answer than others. The most important thing is to keep the conversation going.
Everyday intimacy, but make it practical
Think back to early dating. Those hard conversations eventually gave way to a comfortable, everyday intimacy. Money works the same way. The more openly you talk about it, the less charged it becomes.
Don’t you believe it? Join ‘admin night’, a TikTok trend where people come together to tackle emails, planning and accounting together. It may not replace date night, but it can be surprisingly social and, yes, even intimate.
Valentine’s Day is a reminder to invest in what actually makes a relationship last, so leave the chocolates on the shelf. Financial intimacy strengthens your partnership, reduces stress and builds trust – and trust is what you need for the long haul.
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