The shift that is changing sexual and relationship work
When asked what trend really excites her right now, Erin doesn’t point to a buzzword or viral concept. She points to something quieter, and much more impactful.
She sees more and more couples questioning assumptions they have never explored:
Why do we assume that couples have to share one bedroom?
What if separate bedrooms supported better sleep, desire, or connection?
Why do we assume that intimacy must follow a specific order?
This shift isn’t about being unconventional for the sake of it. It’s over deconstructing inherited scripts and rebuilding relationships in ways that fit real people, real bodies, and real lives.
Erin describes this as a question, often for the first time:
How do we actually want to do this?
Scripts we didn’t know we were following
One of the most powerful ideas Erin brings up in the conversation is that many couples don’t realize they are following a script at all.
Cultural stories silently tell us:
what sex should look like
how desire should function
whose pleasure is most important
what a “normal” relationship is
These scripts are so embedded that people often experience fear without knowing why. They sense that something is not working, but they assume it she are the problem.
Erin’s work focuses on helping clients understand that the problem is often not dysfunction, but… misalignment with a script that never fit in the first place.
The problem with penis-oriented sex
When Erin is asked to name one key insight about sexual health – something that has real impact – she doesn’t hesitate.
A significant portion of her practice involves cisgender, heterosexual couples, and within that context she sees a consistent pattern:
Penises have become the star of the show.
This penis-focused sex model creates a narrow, linear framework:
The excitement builds towards penetration
penetration leads to ejaculation
ejaculation heralds the end
This structure puts enormous pressure on everyone involved and generally ignores them female sexual pleasure.
In men it can cause performance anxiety and fear of ‘failure’.
For women, it can quietly erase their experience altogether.
And when bodies change – due to trauma, disability, disease, pain, aging or stress – this model collapses.
“What if there’s no sex when he’s done?”
Erin shares a question she regularly asks her female clients – often more than once a week:
“So…what if sex doesn’t happen when he’s done?”
The answer is often silence.
Not because the question is confusing, but because it calls into question something that has been considered inevitable.
Many women have never been invited to think about:
This question alone can trigger a profound change in sexual agency.
Sex no longer becomes a one-way trip to a single destination. It becomes flexible, curious and responsive.
Going beyond duty, pressure and linear sex
Penis-focused sexuality not only limits pleasure, it often turns sex into one duty.
When sex is framed around one goal, people start to feel pressure:
pressure to perform
push to finish
pressure to comply
Erin describes how this creates what she calls a ‘boring linear pressure field’: a dynamic in which obligation replaces curiosity and connection.
In contrast, if couples allow sex to be non-linear:
the pressure decreases
communication increases
pleasure diversifies
intimacy expands
Sex can pause, resume, shift, or end based on mutual readiness – no predetermined end point.
Flexibility is the key to better sex
A core theme in Erin’s work is flexibility– in bodies, in desire and in relationships.
When couples move away from rigid scripts, they gain:
This flexibility is especially important for clients dealing with trauma, chronic illness, pain or disability – areas in which Erin has extensive experience.
Rigid sexual expectations often fail the very people who need care most.
Rewriting the rules outside the bedroom
Importantly, Erin doesn’t limit this conversation just to sex.
She sees the same script following in:
For some couples, two bedrooms can reduce resentment and increase desire.
For others, redefining what intimacy looks like day to day can restore connection.
The common thread is choice.
When couples intentionally shape their relationship rather than inherit it, they often feel stronger and more connected.
What this means for sexual health professionals
For sex therapistsadvisors and coaches, Erin’s insights have meaningful implications:
Questioning sexual scripts should be part of clinical work
Penis-centric sex models are often harmful to everyone involved
Sexual agency requires curiosity, not docility
Flexibility is essential for inclusive, trauma-oriented care
Fun should not be reduced to achievements or end points
Professionals who help clients rewrite scripts don’t create chaos, they create space.
Summary: Erin Musick on sexual scripts and pleasure
Sex therapist and psychologist Erin Musick explains that a major shift in sexual health and relationship work is rewriting inherited scripts around sex, intimacy and relationships. She highlights the problems of penis-focused sexuality, which creates pressure to perform and limits pleasure, especially in heterosexual couples. Erin encourages flexibility, curiosity and sexual agency, including questioning the norm that sex ends when the male partner is ready. By deconstructing outdated scripts and allowing couples to define what works best for them, sexual experiences can become more inclusive, fulfilling, and connected.
Last takeaway
Sex doesn’t have to follow a script.
Relationships don’t have to look a certain way.
And fun doesn’t have to end when someone else decides it does.
Erin Musick’s work reminds us that sexual health improves when we stop asking. “Is this normal?” and start asking, “Is this something for us?”
When flexibility replaces pressure and curiosity replaces duty, sex becomes not only more pleasurable, but also more human.
Sometimes the most radical thing a couple can do is rewrite the rules.
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