Damn, the Phils McCrackin ‘Homers vs. Miami yesterday, who hit eight! Started the Dong Charger, Kyle Schwarber (4-out-5) hit his 55th and 56th Homer. Only 16 players have 55 homers. In the history of baseball. Nobody is talking about Schwarber and he has a legitimate NL MVP season. Everyone is in the shadow of Raleigh’s ass. Even last night, Schwarber was overshadowed by Edmundo Sosa (3-out-4, 5 RBIs). Edmundo Sammy Sosa! What is the Vitiligo of Edmundo Sosa? Does he sand his skin? Does he turn Tan?! Well, right?! Yesterday he hit his 8th, 9th and 10th Homer! Okay, SOSA who makes travel, it’s 1998 again! Marlins became pale and had to face Sosa if it is usually the other way around with SOSA! Otto Kemp (1-out-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) also hit his 8th Homer, 2nd Homer in two games and he was Buy Lede last Friday, but you didn’t want him! You hated it on my brain! (Making up no-sayers who do not exist helps me to feed.) Bryson Stott (1-from-4) even Homered, are 13th! Alec Bohm (2-out-4, 2 points and hit his 11th Homer) entered the action and he never comes to the action! Even Jesus Luzardo went 7 IP, 0, 3 hits, zero walks and hit 10 homers! Wait, that’s KS. Okay, my bad. It is September 24. Steve Martin, “Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuee!” Anyway, this is what I saw even more yesterday in Fantasy Baseball:
Ryan Weathers – 4 2/3 IP, 5 er, ERA at 3.99. Wouldn’t prefer * pinkie to mouth * who defend it.
James Wood -2-out-4 and are 29th and 30th Homer and three homers in two games. You last week: “I can’t handle this anymore, I have to drop wood, so I have a chance to win my H2H competition …” You on Sunday: “My opponent picked up James Wood? Ha, what an idiot! I locked this up, honey!” Today, “Hmm, God doesn’t like his most small soldier.”
Josh Bell -2-from-4 and his 21st Homer. Josh Bell never hits one homer without following the next few games with more gayers. As they say in the BIZ, that is an automatic hot schmotato.
Eli White -1-out-1 and his 10th Homer. Eli White, my dentist, has the chance to pass Gunnar Henderson in Homers.
Marcell Ozuna -1-from-2 and his 21st Homer. This season he will sign for seven years at the Giants and next year 12 Homers and .220 struck.
Drake Baldwin -1-out-5 and his 19th Homer. Drake is not like us! We are a person who looks at baseball who does not play.
Bryce Elder – 7 IP, 3 er, 6 hits, zero walks, 7 ks, era at 5.30 am. Streamonator loved this start, but I did not have the testicular steadfastness to trust him.
Brandon Lowe -2-out-5, 2 RBIs and his 31st Homer, 2nd Homer in three games, third Homer in a week. B. Lowe goes from hot to cold to hot to cold to – well, you understand the point and he is currently hot.
Shane Baz – 4 ip, 0 er, era at 4.87. I honestly don’t get it. What was the use of this? Just to throw four more innings on his arm? Bazarre.
David Fry – Probably a few months out with a broken nose. He was in good mood after taking a Fastball from Skubal, and Skubal even visited him in the hospital. A barely audible, soft, apologetic, ‘guys rock’.
George Valera -1-out-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd Homer. George Valera sounds like a movie star in the 1950s who Anglicizes his name. And he plays for the Cleveland, UH, Guardians.
Jack Flaherty – 4 1/3 IP, 3 er, ERA at 4.64. Joe Exotic was better off with Tigers.
Tanner Bibe – 6 IP, 1 er, 7 baserunners, 5 ks, era at 4.24. Bibee became good as soon as I gave him up. Let me try something – Gunnar Henderson, I’ll give you up!
Paul Scenes – 6 ip, 0 er, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 ks, era at 1.97. He has a sub-2 ERA. In his career! I’m sorry for the hyperbole for the recent versus the past, but this is one of the best we’ve ever seen, if not the best. He misses victories because the pirates are a bunch of squeaking idiots, so that is the value of his players’ drater injured, but in terms of ratio? This is insane.
Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Baserunners, 7 KS, ERA at 2.76. Greene is one of the best pitchers in baseball, and he was completely overshadowed by Skenes, who is one of the best of all time. Have I mentioned all time? It’s all time.
Tyler Stephenson -4-out-5 and his 13th Homer, and almost hit a 2nd HOMER. Could be a quick schmotato if you need a catcher bat in a pennant race, so you know he is playing.
Aaron Judge -3-out-4, 4 RBIs and are 50th and 51st Homer. Cal Raleigh or right for MVP? Man, I wouldn’t want to make that decision – I’m joking! Of course it is right.
Trent Grisham -1-out-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 34th Homer. 268th Homer for the Leadoff Hitter from Yankees and a new record! This is all from Elias Sports Bureau.
Max baked – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Baserunners, 7 KS, ERA at 2.86 and his 19th victory. Glad I always liked him! Proven again!
Garrett -Haken – 8 ip, 0 er, 3 hits, zero walks, 6 ks, era at 2.59. Sew, hook is great. Would not want to be confronted with him in a short playoff series, although I have not played baseball since I was 12 and I had only one hit that last year and it was when my buddy said he would throw me a meatball.
Matt Shaw -3-out-4, 3 runs and a slam (13) and legs (17). Do you think that if Shaw, say, the nats or M’s, he has 45 steals and is spoken as: PCA or Shaw in 2026? And to be honest, it can be one of them next year. I think Shaw has just scratched the surface of how good he can be.
Michael Busch -2-out-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st, 2nd Homer in four games. Bird in the hand is Busch worth in my corner infidel slot on one of my more disappointing teams, so thank you very much.
Jose Siri – was designated for assignment. Siri found out from his iPhone. The irony!
Francisco Alvarez -1-out-2, 2 RBIs and his 11th Homer and 2nd Homer in two games, and 3rd Homer in eight games. Hot Schmotato Alert!
Juan Soto -1-out-4 and his 43rd Homer. Ugh, you know how much he wants a bargain.
Jona Tong – 2 IP, 5 er, era at 7.71. Oh no, he has masitis. Put it in a box with packing peanuts and send it to the Mariners!
Hunter Brown – 5 ip, 4 er, 8 baserunners, 5 ks, era at 2.43. I love Brown, and I don’t really like the astros, but they stumble from the play -offs thanks to Luis Severino (6 1/3 IP, 0 er, 4 baserunners, 5 ks, era at 4.54) is quite funny.
Byron Buxton -1-out-4 and his 32nd Homer. Never let Buxton end this year. No, seriously, hypnotize him by thinking that it is always 2025. Yes, man, the last mission Impossible will come out later this summer and wait until you see alien: Earth in September, I hear good things.
Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 1 er, 4 baserunners, 9 ks, era at 5.05. Watch out, Mr. Game plan.
Jacob Vegrom – 5 IP, 1 er, 3 baserunners, 8 ks, era at 2.97. Do you want to panic who did not pay any attention to baseball this year? Tell them that Buxton came home from Degrom in September and they both remained healthy all year round.
Taylor Ward -1-out-4 and his 36th Homer and 2nd Homer in two games. Completely underrated man. You didn’t even want to keep him in your team if you had him!
Yusei kikuchi – 5 ip, 1 er, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 ks, era at 3.99. Kikuchi is the most 4.00 ERA world you will find, so I think you are the way to exceed expectations.
Jackson Merrill -1-Out-4 and his 16th Homer. He reached the Gunnar line! Congratulations! Let’s see what he wins … He doesn’t win congratulations. Hmm, we have to take that congratulations back. Sorry for that.
Dylan stops – 5 IP, 1 er, 8 baserunners, 8 ks, era at 4.55. Hold an index card to keep the beautiful, “Stakes and Gunnar as Carnac.” Opens the envelope and it says, “Why I have a ulcer.”
Luis Castillo – 7 1/3 IP, 1 er, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 ks, era at 3.54. His only mistake was to Blaine. Defunder de luis!
Jorge Polanco -2-from-4 and his 25th Homer. Well, certainly, he has Butt Boy’s Bouncy Balls.
Eugenio Suarez -1-Out-4 and his 48th Homer. Nomnomnom, Butt Boy’s Bouncy Balls!
Cal Raleigh -3-out-5, 4 RBIs and are 59th and 60th Homer. Roger Maris Jr. It appears to see how Cal Raleigh breaks his Father’s Home Run Mark from 61, see his gigantic ass and are like: “Forget it, I’m going home.” The ASS man gets fed huge inflatable bouncers! He is now Bunting -Homers and it’s hilarious. I see you Manfred, and I am with you! If you have set Cal Raleigh, a way to set up the best catcher season of all time. You are lucky ess oh bee has a 60-homer season of your freakin ‘catcher! How is this real life? More next week when I go through all positional summaries, but Spoiler: Raleigh is perhaps the best -ranked catcher.
Julio Rodriguez -2-out-4 and his 32nd Homer. Feed me the bouncy balls of the butt boy!
Rafael Devers -1-out-4 and his 34th Homer, 3rd Homer in a week. Someone tries to be traded back to Boston!
Robbie Ray – Ready for the season. So the giants would get no ideas to use him again, the trainer of the Giants cut off his pants.
#Phillies #bluntly #roll #Miami #Pitching #Staff