Negotiation intelligence: the power to get the other party to say no

Suze Cumming, founder of The Nature of Real Estate and Canadian real estate negotiation guru, answers questions from real estate agents about negotiation tactics and handling difficult situations on the first Friday of the month. Do you have a question for Suze? Send her one e-mail.

Agents have asked me how they can push or encourage buyers without seeming pushy. In this market, the way you communicate means the difference between trust and skepticism – between deal or no deal.

Most of us are trained in sales systems that teach us how to move conversations Yes.
Yes to work with us.
Yes at the asking price.
Yes to the offer.

At first glance this seems logical. But experienced negotiators know that insisting on yes often erodes trust and limits the flow of important information. You may agree, but a hurried yes is often just a polite maybe, and a maybe is usually a no that hasn’t yet found its voice.

Experienced negotiators understand something that’s counterintuitive: When people feel safe saying no, better decisions follow.

The hidden problem with yes, and maybe

Sometimes yes really means yes.
Yes, I want to work with you.
Yes, I want to accept this offer.

That’s a hard yes, and at those moments you no longer negotiate. You have alignment and you just move forward.

That’s why yes feels good. It signals progress. But in practice, a soft yes can mean many things:

• I don’t want conflict
• I’m sceptical
• I need more time, but I don’t know how to say it
• I’ll come back to this later

“Maybe” is even less helpful. It often indicates uncertainty, discomfort or a lack of confidence in the process. Things seem to be moving forward, but without real coordination. That’s why deals that start with maybes so often unravel later.

Most agents can remember an appointment that felt promising, ended with a strong maybe, and then dissolved into weeks of silence, vague communication, and ultimately seeing the home with another agent.

A weak yes or a dragging answer may waste more time and energy than an honest no.

What changes when no becomes safe?

When you take the pressure off and let the other party say no, several important things happen:

• Defensiveness decreases
• The attitude fades
• Real concerns surface

‘No’ brings clarity. It tells you where the edge actually is. And clarity is the starting point of every successful negotiation.

This is also where trust starts to build.

When buyers or sellers realize that they are not being pushed toward an outcome, they experience you differently. You no longer sit on the other side of the table. You work with them, not against them.

A practical example

Imagine you have a feedback from the seller for your buyer customer. The price is reasonable and the property fits well. The listing agent has indicated that this is their lowest price and that there is enough interest to support it. You believe them.

Your buyer will want to redraw, lower, as the market may soften further.

Pushing your client at this point will likely increase defensiveness and erode trust. Creating space for no often has the opposite effect.

You could say something like this:

“I understand that this is an uncertain time to buy. This is a good home, in a desirable neighborhood, with features that are in constant demand. This caption gives you the opportunity to purchase it at a fair price. I am completely comfortable if you decide this is not the right home and want to walk away. We can continue to look for something that suits us better. But if this is the right home for you and your family, this is your chance to secure it.”

This approach does not guarantee sales. What it does is invite your client to consider their decision without ego or arrogance. When no is a real option, people tend to evaluate their choices more honestly.

No is an important option for you as a real estate agent

Allowing no is powerful for you too.

Consider a listing meeting where the seller insists on a price that the market will not support. You have completed a thorough CMA and presented your pricing analysis. Nevertheless, the seller remains anchored to an unrealistic number.

At this point you also have the option to say no.

Delivered with professionalism and tact, it might sound like this:

“I understand that you have a great property and are in no rush to sell it. I also know that this is a weak market, and homes priced above market value often linger. That process can be frustrating for sellers and agents alike. While I would like to work with you and help you achieve a strong outcome, I cannot help you at that price.”

When expressed calmly and without threat, it often has a surprising effect. It invites the seller to pause, reconsider their position and take your advice more seriously.

The silent signal of a strong BATNA

When you’re comfortable saying no, you’re sending a subtle but powerful message.

Without ever naming it, you demonstrate a strong BATNAthe ability to walk away or follow another path if it is not the right path. That trust changes the tone of the conversation. It creates stability. It reduces emotional pressure. It invites honesty.

Paradoxically, the less committed you seem to being to getting a yes, the more open the other side becomes to real dialogue.

One final thought

The goal of negotiation is not to reach an agreement at any price.
The goal is a decision that will last.

If no is safe, yes actually means something.