I will precede this article by saying that I have not found the secret for constant hot sex! But if you are looking for a reassurance that you are not strange, broken or bad luck, please participate for my story about stress, libido and unnecessary comparisons.
A bit about me: I work as a hospital doctor, which is a busy and pretty stressful job. That stress does not end when the shift is also doing its unpaid central heating activities and exams that are essential to stay in employment. I moved to London two years ago with my partner Tom. It was our first time we live together and also my first year worked as a doctor. We had been together for three years at the time of moving, and we are now fortunately engaged and are approaching five years together (Woo!). We both lived independently in Birmingham, but the move to London meant that we moved to my father’s flat, and he stays here for 2-3 nights a week, in an unpredictable and unannounced pattern.
Imagine this now: a small, dilapidated flat in London, daily panic at work and the challenge to constantly share all the space (including the bed). It was a lot to adjust. We also randomly appeared the extra bother of my father in the week.
For a while I have been practicing under pressure on myself to have regularly sex. I had read an article online that said that most couples have sex once a week, and I convinced myself that I had to make it happen. I even started marking small dots on the calendar and treated it as a task to finish. BLERGH. It is not surprising that when you treat sex as a requirement and you are not really in the mood, your partner can see. It’s like that scene in Sex and the city When Samantha says, “Let’s just persuade it.”
Fortunately Tom is a much better communicator than me. He told me that we should not compare ourselves with other couples, and that we should not have sex unless I really want or take care of it. That conversation raised a huge weight of my chest and let me try to find out what helped my libido.
So now I am figuring out when my libido actually appears.
The most obvious answer? When I’m on vacation. It makes perfect sense. I don’t work for long hours or I constantly feel sharp. But leaving every time I want to feel more in the mood is not exactly affordable.
One of the best things I have done is going back to old hobbies, especially reading. I have always loved Fantasy Romance of “Romantasy”, but I had not read anything purely for pleasure in years. I used to feel that I had to read something educational, such as historical fiction, to justify time. More recently I discovered the steaming side of the genre, which is not for everyone, but really helped me to make contact with that side of myself again! Taking that time for yourself to do an activity that is nothing more than relaxing, really helps me. Even better if I can do it outside in a little green (it allows it again).
I have noticed that another big factor on my libido is how I feel physically.
If I have not done any sports, eat terribly and did not wash my hair, the chance that I am in the mood is almost zero. So I went to more practice classes and I signed up for the London to Brighton Bike Ride for some motivation (and to raise money for refuge). I have made an effort to record healthy snacks and avoid the cookie culture at work.
Now I feel that I have to make this clear, I am not a weight loss and that is not what I argue. I have worked out more to improve my overall fitness that helps to release endorphins (your natural mood boosters!).
I am happy, we are happy, and this story is just to say that I have no consistent sex and if you are sometimes not in the mood for a month, don’t worry about it (we are twins). Communication is crucial and always think of quality over quantity. If you both have, I am clearly super enthusiastic for you! But everyone is different, so hopefully a few will relate to my end of the scale.
#Libido #Annies #Story #Brook