Dear Dave,
My girlfriend and I have been dating seriously for a little over a year. We are both 28 and I know I love her, but there is something that worries me. She is very smart, but at the same time she is not very responsible with money. I know no one is perfect, but sometimes she falls behind on her bills to do things like buy clothes or go to concerts. How should I go about talking to her and explaining my concerns about this? I would like to propose to her next year.
Lincoln
Dear Lincoln,
Congratulations on finding the lady you want to marry! I’m also glad you’re looking at things from a mature perspective when it comes to the future.
Dating is fun. And marriage is great when you find the right person to spend your life with. But there is something I want you to keep in mind. In a marriage, real life gets going quickly. That’s why it is so important that couples are on the same page when it comes to their lives together, their hopes and dreams – and their finances. Unexpected things can happen that make life difficult, even when you are with someone you love.
If I were you, I’d go slowly and see if she starts showing signs of getting her spending under control. Honestly, her financial behavior is pretty immature right now. Sometimes it’s just a phase when people behave like this. Or it’s a case where they weren’t taught how to handle money properly when they were younger.
If this is the case here, I recommend talking to her about it gently, explaining your concerns and perhaps introducing her to the idea of living on a monthly budget. If you are If you’re already doing this, this would be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate how it works for you, and how it would make dealing with finances as a couple easier in the future. That way, once she understands the process – and the value of having a plan for spending money on paper before the month starts – it will be easier for her to stick to it.
But if it doesn’t work, and this way of life turns out to be a character flaw, I promise you it will cause problems later. And those issues will begin to cloud every other aspect of your relationship.
Good luck, Lincoln. God bless you both!
–Dave
Dave Ramsey is an eight-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of “The Ramsey Show.” He has appeared on “Good Morning America,” “CBS This Morning,” “Today,” Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth, and improve their lives. He is also CEO of Ramsey Solutions and is the author of numerous books, including Baby Steps Millionaires: How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth – and How You Can Do It Too.
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