As a tenant in New York City, it is very likely that at some point you share an apartment with one or more housemates. In a perfect world you could all get along with swimming; Unfortunately, people can change and relationships can acidify.
The common scenarios include different lifestyles you are past the festive phase of your life, while they are not. Or maybe you should do more than your reasonable part of the cleaning. The worst of all is that they may not pay their part of the rent or utilities. Whatever the reason, you will know when it is time to break tires, which can be a relief for both (or all) yours.
[Editor’s note: An earlier version of this post was published in May 2020. We are presenting it again with updated information for August 2025.]
“Real nightmare housemates exist,” said Matt Hutchinson, director of Housemate Seeking Place Spareroom. However, most situations are not very dramatic. “For the most part, the other person is an OK person with whom you just don’t click.” In such cases, your best approach is to try to communicate and achieve a mutually satisfactory resolution. Finding another apartment is always a challenge – and expensive – in NYC.
Speaking of finances: if you are the leaseholder and move your roommate, you are liable for the rent and you must find another roommate to pick up the play. And there is no guarantee that the next person will be better than the current one.
But if it has become clear that you and your roommate are not a good match, and you have no choice but to separate, here is how you can avoid an uncomfortable and expensive scenario.
1. Have an honest conversation
“The healthiest way is to just tell the truth,” said Rory Bolger, a broker at Brown Harris Stevens. “Do not make it personal. Just tell them that it seems clear that you are not a healthy match and that you think they should find a different place.”
Dr. Lynn Saladino, A clinical psychologist who is for a health and wellness consultant Real estate mirador, emphasized the need to make a thorough plan in advance for how you want to tackle your roommate problems.
“One of the things I see a lot with people is that they are waiting to take things until they are considering moving,” she said. “If that happens, their roommate may not see it coming and it is more difficult to repair.”
If your roommate agrees to go, it might not be easy to find a replacement – and then you are On the hook for their rent.
“If they agree to move, the question is how easy it would be to replace that person,” said Bolger. “Hypothetically, maybe you should lower the rent with a few hundred dollars to make it more tempting for a new person.”
Saladino also warns that you should not assume that because you are friends with your roommate, living together will be a breeze.
“Even with a friend you know well, it’s a good idea to discuss a list of lifestyle needs and handbreakers before signing a lease,” she said. “There might be more to consider than you think, because you probably know your friend in a different context.”
Instead of waiting to tackle problems until you feel a resentment, Saladino suggested that you regularly planned ‘check-in’ meetings with your roommate (s) to see how things are going, what those problems could correct early and ‘a precedent of communicating on things instead of pushing them down instead of pushing them down’. Moreover, such chats can reduce any fear that you have about solving problems, “and ensure that you catch each other at a time when you are both ready to listen,” she added.
Although some people find it impossible to stay friends after such a test, others succeed in finding their way back to each other after the initial period of anger – but only if you don’t make the split personal.
“When you remove it from the essence, an apartment share is a financial transaction,” said Hutchinson. “Make it about ending the financial relationship instead of telling [them] You don’t like them. “
And don’t forget whether you and your roommate have started as friends or strangers, always treat them as you would like to be treated when you let the subject leave them. “Have the courage to be stuck with what you need, but also treat the other person with respect,” he said.
2. Find out if you can expel them
If a conversation takes you nowhere, you have to increase the ante. However, who has to leave the apartment depends on the circumstances. If you are not mentioned on the lease, you are gone. If you are both in the lease, you are both on the hook for rent, which means that you have to officially negotiate your way. (In extreme cases, such as a roommate accused of a violent crime, you can get an order what that will do Order someone to move.
But what happens if you are in the lease and they are not?
According to the Metropolitan Council on Housing, A tenant interest group, you can’t just kick out a roommate if they have lived in the apartment for at least 30 days or have paid your rent. Instead, you have to go to the Housing Court to start the legal evacuation procedures.
If they have signed a written agreement for a rental agreement of 12 months, you cannot force them unless they have broken that contract in one way or another by not paying rent or by violating the rules of the building. So if they are a model tenant, but you have met someone you like, you are stuck for the rest of the year.
In the absence of a written agreement, a roommate who is not in the lease is considered from month to month, and you can ask them legally to leave as long as you provide a cancellation period of 30 days.
That is why Kelly Ringston is a real estate lawyer at Braverman Greenspunusually recommends a trial period of one to three months until you have determined how well you live together as housemates.
“If you have a roommate of month to month, you can end their lease at the end of a rental cycle, for the correct notification, for whatever reason, Die:” You are weird, please leave, “she said.” If there is a written roommate agreement, the term is usually for a longer period, six months or a year. “
Ringston always recommends making a roommate agreement, given how some of these situations can go south. “It is better for all parties to have a written agreement,” she said, so that everyone is aware of the rules and expectations from the start.)
If they have violated the agreement or there is no written agreement, you have the right to require your roommate to leave.
“In essence, you are their landlord,” said Ringston. The first thing you have to do is serve a notification of termination and informing them that you terminate their rental party. If you cannot afford the services of a lawyer to prepare one for you, you can do it yourself on the Website New York City Housing Court.
A non -involved party must serve the notification. “The cleanest way to do this is to hire a process server,” said Ringston. Prices are usually based on the number of times they have to return to serve the notification, with a series of a few hundred to a few thousand dollars. You can find one here.
You must give your roommate a complete notification of the rental cycle to leave, whether it is a scheme from week to week or month to month.
Of course, it can be uncomfortable next to each other at the time, so maybe you want to find friends or family to stay for the time being. That said, you may not be able to trust the person to leave the apartment in the same state as they have found it.
In the rare case, the person refuses to leave, it is essential to refuse further rent from them. “If I have said that your rent ends on a certain date and then I will accept the rental next month, I effectively extend their rental home,” said Ringston. “Getting a deportation can take time, and because you cannot collect rent, which you probably need the apartment, you can end up in a very difficult situation.”
3. Don’t change the locks (yet))
You can (need to) expect a wide range of potential reactions – some roommates may just be angry, while others can become threatening and dangerous.
“You have to keep yourself and your things as safe as possible,” said Saladino.
She advised to tell a roommate who seems particularly upset: “Let’s just take the time to cool down and let me know when you’re ready to talk.”
If things are so controversial that you are afraid that your possessions are throwing away, get a lock on your bedroom door, advised Ringston, but does not close your roommate from the apartment. Judges of the Woninghof will not take it in a friendly way.
“You will be subject to criminal and civil fines,” she said. “You are subject to criminal fines up to $ 10,000, civil fines up to $ 100 per day, and triple compensation, which means liability for three times the actual damage of the tenant, and yes, you could even end up in prison.”
If the situation is so bad that you have to lock up your things, you might be the one to go up and leave. That is of course easier said than done – especially if you are the leaseholder.
What if you are afraid that the person will become violent? Let the police be immediately involved and try to obtain a street ban against them, said Ringston. Only then can you lock up your threatening roommate.
4. If everything else fails, bring them in court
If your roommate does not leave on his own will after the termination date has risen, you can take it to the Housing Court. The first step is to submit a Holdover -Petition: “A kind of legal steps started when a tenant, or in this case a roommate, has the duration of their rent excess,” said Ringston.
“If the tenant/roommate does not leave the apartment on the date set out in the first notification, he/she will hold ‘fixed’. If you win your case, you will have an opinion on possession, which means that you have the right to the apartment and a deportation order, which means that the other person has to get out.”
If hiring a lawyer is your budget outside, “is always a good idea to have a lawyer, but the Landlorderhof is made to be accessible to pro-litigants, so it can be navigated without one,” Ringston said, adding that the costs depend on many variables, including the complexity of the case.
“You will come together with the court for most of the time to agree on a date [your roommate has] To pass, “she explained. And usually they will leave as soon as a judge has given a deportation. “It’s not often that you have to have someone physically removed,” she said. “If you have no legal right to be there, most rational people will understand that it is the end of the road.”
Because the Housing Court can be time -consuming and stressful for all parties, it is worth reaching this point. “The biggest weapon that you have when it comes to roommate handling is communication,” said Hutchinson. “Keep talking while you live together. Don’t just wait until you’re so angry that you can’t even look at each other.”
And as uncomfortable as it can be to ask your roommate to move, it is a conversation that you should not postpone for long.
“Your living environment means everything – it’s crucial for your health,” said Saladino. “If it’s a really bad situation, you have to go out. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the first place.”
–Previous versions of this article contain reporting and writing by Alanna Schaubach, Leah Hochbaum Rosner and Nikki M. Mascali
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