Dear Abby: The workload is crushing my dreams

Dear Abby: I’m in my early thirties and happy in certain aspects of my life: I recently moved into a house and married a man I love very much. I have friends, hobbies and dreams. One of these dreams is to become a novelist, although I currently do marketing for a technology company.

This brings me to my problem: I feel depressed about my work. Working in tech marketing is not something I enjoy; it’s something I’ve done over the years to pay the bills. My work is stressful and fast-moving, and people can be impatient. I normally keep any work-induced depression at bay by running, writing, and spending time with loved ones. But lately, these things haven’t reduced the negative feelings I have about my work as much. In fact, I’m starting to feel less joy in the things I normally do in my free time.

I feel like a failure for trying to write a novel in the midst of so much work. I’m afraid that if I quit my job, I won’t be able to pay my mortgage and will put unreasonable stress on my husband. He is also dissatisfied with his technical job, but does this to help us.

Getting a new job won’t fix this as I felt blue at other tech marketing jobs that pay me enough to afford our house and save for having a child (another dream). How do I get out from under this rain cloud? Do I want too much from life? – Restricted in California

Best Thwarted: A solution that might work for you would be a part-time job in tech that will allow you to pay the mortgage while at the same time giving you free time to continue writing. Give yourself a deadline of one year, see if there is interest in what you’ve produced and go from there. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Abby: Should I change my financial arrangement with my husband? We have been married for 18 years and have a joint checking account. He has a separate account for his side business that is just for him. I have a separate account that I use for work to renew licenses and fund my continuing education.

Over the past few years he has insisted that I pay my own medical bills (which previously always came out of our joint account).
I have a history of thyroid cancer and my family has a history of more serious cancers. He says I go to the doctor too often. I usually go for an annual physical exam, an annual thyroid exam and to the gynecologist. We have health insurance.

I’m starting to wonder if I should just ask to have my paycheck deposited into my own account and then transfer money to the joint account to cover our household bills, which he also pays. I don’t want to start a fight about it as he and I are quite traditional in most respects. Staff! I feel like I have no money even though we both work full time. – Dividing in Indiana

Best distribution: You have a valid point. It’s time for you and your husband to sit down with a FINANCIAL ADVISOR and work out something that is fair for both of you. Your CPA may be able to help you or recommend someone.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.