Dear Abby: The husband has turned off the tension in the marriage

Dear Abby: I am an older woman in excellent shape. I’m active and have never had a problem attracting men. Five years ago I married a man I had known for years. We used to have a pretty active sex life, but it’s been four years since he touched me in an intimate way. He says he doesn’t know why, and that it’s due to a lack of trust.
I’m afraid that if I don’t leave, I’ll never know the loving arms of a man around me again. We get along great in other areas, but as time goes by, I no longer find him attractive. If he were to make a move today, I think I would reject it because too much pain has happened.

Financially, leaving would be a disaster. Our friends and family think we are a great couple, but no one knows the truth. I feel like I’m sinking into a swamp every long, lonely day. Please advise. — Untouched in Costa Rica

Best Untouched: Before you sink further into depression, I recommend that you discuss this with your doctor and get a referral to a licensed psychotherapist. Don’t make any hard and fast decisions about your marriage until you feel better. I don’t know what is causing your husband’s problem. You don’t either, and it’s possible he doesn’t either.
Is your husband aware of how strongly you feel about this and that you are seriously considering leaving? If he isn’t, would he be willing to explore possible solutions and perhaps heal your relationship? And finally, if so, would YOU be willing to try again? I know I’m giving you more questions than answers, but they are worth considering.

Dear Abby: As a compliance officer at a university, my job is to provide mandatory training for faculty and staff. They know the dates, times and schedules of the meetings weeks in advance. I do my best to keep these workouts as short and minimal as possible, which means using all the time available.

My problem is that when we take a short break, some of the people will wander off to unknown destinations. Are they looking for coffee? A connection? A reevaluation of their life goals? We never know.

I have two choices: hold everyone up and wait for them to come back, which is polite but makes us all end the day late, or start it without them. The cruder option means I have to deny their certification until they meet with me to catch up on what they missed. Both options are frustrating.

I learned that the longer the break, the more people go missing. No amount of warnings or flattery will bring everyone back in time. So which option is better: start or wait? – Running the show in Massachusetts

Best Running: Stop being such a pusher. At the beginning of each meeting, explain to attendees that everyone must be present for the entire presentation, OTHERWISE YOU CANNOT CERTIFY THEM. Then follow through. Don’t continue to make yourself available to those who skip because it is disrespectful to the people who stayed.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.