Dear Abby: Our 23-year-old son, ‘Ed’, was tight, in sports and staying healthy, looked at his diet he even came to a gym and went every week. Ed goes with a girl, ‘Emily’, who is the opposite. She is probably a hundred pounds overweight. She is also dirty (if she comes here, there have been days when she does not take a shower).
Twice I found Emily’s lingerie on the floor. Last week she left a few panties on the bathroom floor. I showed Ed and told him that it was the second time I had found her underwear (the first time I said nothing). I said, “You have to talk to Emily and tell her not to leave her underwear.”
I see a change in Ed. My son did not cut his hair in 2 1/2 years and he no longer seems to be in sports. This is not who we are as a family. My husband and I are suitable for our age (60s) and according to all standards clean and orderly. Do I have to say something to Ed? I feel that Emily is changing who he is. – Not the same in the East
Dear not the same: Stop blaming Emily for the changes you have observed. Your son brings those changes himself. Although his girlfriend seems to be ignorant about basic hygiene, I am not sure if you are the parent who should discuss this with ED. He is perhaps less defensive if ‘the conversation’ of his father comes, man as a man.
I am unclear whether your son still lives in your house or whether he and his girlfriend have his own place. If it is the first, you would certainly be within your right to point out that you have an obstacle to dirty clothing and to use it. If they live separately, consider giving them one for their place.
Dear Abby: My husband died three years ago. We were married for 56 years. Four months prior to our large, Californian, Catholic wedding, we ran away and we were secretly married in Las Vegas. Nobody has ever found out. From a Spanish family, my father would have been inadmissible, so we said nothing. Afterwards it was a stupid thing to do. I was only 19 and he was 22. When he withdrew from the police, we moved to Washington, where I still live.
I have two adult daughters and I wonder if this is something they should know. I still have our marriage certificate in Las Vegas, together with our marriage certificate in California – the one we have always celebrated as our anniversary date. Would it be wrong to tear up the Las Vegas certificate and bring this secret to my grave? – wonders in Washington
Best wonder: I don’t think a dismissal between a young couple who is deeply in love is something to be ashamed of. I also don’t think your love story is “stupid” at all. As long as they don’t hurt anyone, people are entitled to some ‘secrets’. If you want to take it to your grave, this is your privilege and you will not get into a fight from me. However, I would point out that, because your first wedding permit is a legal document instead of destroying it, it keeps it under lock and key until you have left these earthly toils.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact Best Abby on www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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