Dear Abby: Dad’s favor of $$ is repaid with lies and abuse

Dear Abby: I have adult children, grandchildren and a great-grandchild. I don’t know if they think I’m senile, but they seem to think I have to cater to their every whim. Most of them are self-centered and think only of themselves. They borrow money from me, and sometimes I let them know it’s a loan. Other times I give it to them and tell them it’s a gift. Loans must be repaid. When it is given to you, it is yours.

One daughter, ‘Marie’, borrowed a large sum of money and agreed to pay it back in installments. She paid me back some of the money I lent her. When the next installment came due, she claimed her first payment was three times what she had previously paid. When I called her about it, she insisted that she had given the higher amount.

I love my whole family, but I don’t want anyone to play me. Marie has made no further payments to me and the borrowing has stopped. When Marie tried to get in my face and talk down to me, my wife of 30 years informed her that she was not allowed to talk to me that way.

Since then, Marie has stopped talking to us and accused my wife of blocking her email, calls and texts. (That didn’t happen; I blocked them.) I just don’t understand how an adult child could treat her parents the way we were treated. I am deeply hurt and I can’t seem to get over it. Your thoughts? – Old man in the mountains

Dear old man: Your pain is understandable. Your self-proclaimed daughter is not only a good-for-nothing, but she is also disrespectful. You treated her with kindness, and not only did she not pay back the money you lent her, but she also verbally attacked you. I hope your other offspring have more character. That said, I don’t think it was a wise decision to block Marie’s ability to contact you. She may want to apologize in the future, and you’ve prevented that possibility.

Dear Abby: My wife of 10 years has filed for divorce. She is determined to get a divorce. She feels like over the past four years since we had children (ages 2 and 4), I have “wiped away her self-esteem and self-worth.”

In the past two months since our first conversation, I’ve started seeing a therapist, started taking antidepressants, and attended a men’s empathy group session. I now see the hurt and pain I have caused by my untreated depression and my negative self-image, and I have committed to changing and saving our marriage.

A year ago I stood by her and supported her through a major episode of depression, and now she wants out. I’m still in love with her, but she says that while she will always love me, she is no longer in love with me. I’m working on giving her space to heal. What else can I do? – Disappointed husband in Maine

Dear Husband: Ask your wife if she would agree to couples therapy with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Remind her that there are children involved, and even if counseling is not successful in healing your marriage, it can benefit you all during the divorce process and beyond. Whether this will lead to you and your wife being reunited is questionable, but it could improve your relationship down the road.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.