Key Points
- Tattoo artist Sai Antonio says she found healing in Pointillism Art after being sexually abused as a child by a man who is known to her family.
- After she recovered her memory to the abuse, she was diagnosed with complex PTSD and a disassociative disorder as an adult.
- Antonio specializes in pointillism art and hand-picked tattoos.
Antonio said she could not imagine life without bringing felt pins on paper or ink to the skin. Art has not only become an outlet valve for self -expression, she only said it was indispensable to help her reclaim her self -feeling.
Dots make a whole
Antonio, who moved to Australia with her parents and sisters in 2006, still lived in the Philippines.
A young Sai Antonio (left) with her twin sister, Zai (right). Credit: You know Antonio
She said that every time the abuse would happen, she would block it out of her head.
I think it was the way my mind was to deal with. It was as if nothing happened. I have detached.
Sai Antonio, Tattoo artist
“Unfortunately, what happened to Sai was not a one -time event. It was also a horrible betrayal by someone who should have taken care of her.”
The developing brain can feel danger. There are automatic answers as the child develops and grows. For her, one of the ways she dealt with was to put that memory aside. This happens.
Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist
“Unbelieving, I think art became my therapy. I spoke my feelings that way. I pulled a lot when I was a child. Most of my drawings were abstract,” she said.
One of the earlier works of Sai Antonio Credit: You know Antonio
“I had it easier to start my drawings with dots, so I was attracted to pointillism, an art technology that uses dots to make an image.”
Just like dots create an image in pointillism, Antonio said her need for art began to be logical when pieces of her forgot when she was 28.
Discovery after disassociation
“I confirmed with my twin sister Zai that it was all real. She discovered the abuse, but she saw that I was disociation,” she said.
She has always been my protector, so she didn’t want to bring it to me. She thought I was better not to remember.
Sai Antonio, Tattoo artist
Zai (left) and Sai (right) Antonio say they are each other’s protectors. Credit: You know Antonio
According to Tantengco: “Not remembering was an advantage because it protected her; in my experience it is very rare that survivors of abuse simply go ‘normally’ through life.”
Tantengco explained: “With Disassociative Amnesia you can remember your life except for that specific traumatic time. You can remember where you lived, where you studied … but you will not remember the trauma.”
Did was almost like an out-of-physical experience-as or the trauma does not happen to you. It is like a perspective of a third person. It’s like you have a drone above you and you are in that drone and look at yourself.
Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist
“I pulled a lot when I was a child; but moved to Australia, settled, working, getting married … I forgot art while I did ‘life’; but rediscovering why I turned into art in the first place, I wanted to go back to it.”
Sai Antonio and Family Credit: You know Antonio
Hand -picked tattoos
“My twins, who works as a photographer in Adelaide, told me about a customer she had who did tattoo picked. I investigated and became interested in getting one.”
A hand -picked tattoo of the portrait of Sai Antonio on her husband’s arm. Credit: You know Antonio
After she had done her research, she said she found a hand-passed tattoo artist in Melbourne.
“I got one and looked at how the tattoo was ready. I felt that I could do it. It felt very much on the art I do,” she said.
I also liked that the technology was similar to the traditional tattoos of APO WHANG-OD-OLLE The materials were different.
Sai Antonio, Tattoo artist
“Hand -based tattoos take longer to do, but they look more natural compared to machine tattoos that look like stickers on the skin.
The technology is also much softer for the skin, healing is much faster and the process is more intimate.
Sai Antonio, Tattoo artist
A soft tap
“There are two meanings against ‘Mayumi’. In Philipin, ‘Mayumi’ ‘gentle’; and the other meaning is ‘Mayumi’ as a name – which we chose for our first baby … For the child I abused. So that word means a lot,” she said.
“As children, we are all attracted to art, to colors, music … We sometimes lose that. My art is a memory that I am still that child. I still dream. I am still healing and I want to do more things.”
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