When
Katja Faber learned that her 23-year-old son, Alex, was brutally murdered, she felt a physical pain, as if her body had been hit by a truck. “From the moment the police were at my door and told me the news that he had been killed, I felt changed, not only emotionally, but also neurologically and physically,” Faber said. “It was painful to breathe; my nerve endings were on fire. They say that grief is an all-body experience, and I can certainly confirm that.”
When we think of sorrow, we often focus on the emotional toll – the grief, the anger and the confusion that follow the death of a loved one. But sadness is not just a mental experience. It can manifest physically in profound manners, long after loss.
Why grief influences us physically
The reason that sadness influences us physical well-being is because “we co-regulate with our loved ones,” said Mary-Frances O’Connor, Ph.D.Professor at the University of Arizona, clinical psychologist who specializes in funeral research and author of The grieving body.
“To think about sorrow, we really have to think about love and bond. If we connect with our husband or our child, we form a dynamic system with them, and it means that every person is an external pacemaker for the heart of the other,” O’Connor explained. “When a loved one from our lives is amputated, our body must find out how to regulate without that external pacemaker.”
This sudden disruption forces our physiological systems to adjust, creating a cascade of physical symptoms.
Common physical symptoms of sadness
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The way in which sadness appears physically can vary widely, depending on the person and what existing conditions they can have. Common symptoms can be chest pain, insomnia, appetite changes, digestive problems, a “lump in the throat” feeling, as well as cognitive effects.
But it can also have a significant impact on immune function. “Mourning is associated with Morbidity and mortality of all causes“O’Connor noticed,” what a chic way is to say that all different diseases and causes of death increase when you mourn. “
This includes increased speeds of chronic obstructive lung disorder (COPD), stroke, pneumonia, sepsis and flu, O’Connor said. “While I did research, I wondered, how could it be that every system can be influenced? But if we think about the fact that our immune system influences every organ in the body, it can start more logical.”
Research by the lab and others of O’Connor has shown that inflammation increases after the death of a loved one. A study Published in Psychonoetendocrinology, it turned out that people who intensively sadly showed considerably higher levels of inflammation compared to those with a lower severity of mourning.
This systemic inflammation can influence the immune system and manifests itself differently, depending on the existing health problems or construction of a person. For example, with someone with rheumatoid arthritis, it can occur as worsening joint pain, while someone with asthma can experience more breathing problems.
O’Connor experienced this herself: about a year after her mother’s death, she developed symptoms that were later diagnosed as a multiple sclerosis. Although her mother’s death did not cause her MS – it is in her family and she had other risk factors – the intense stress of grief may have contributed to the rise at that time.
What is broken heart syndrome?
Some experience ‘broken heart syndrome’, or what is officially called ‘Takotsubo cardiomyopathy’ – a weakening of the left ventricle of the heart, which can create the symptoms of a heart attack, even if there are no arterial blockages. Nine out of 10 Cases are reported in women, and most are in women older than 50. Takotsubo is usually not fatal, O’Connor said, but it does require medical attention.
Yet others experience more serious heart problems due to sadness, different from Takotsubo -Cardiomyopathy. A study Published in the Journal of the American Medical Association discovered that in the first three months after losing a spouse, people older than 65 have the risk of experiencing a heart attack or stroke. An older study in the American Heart Association Journal Circulation found the danger of a heart attack in the first 24 hours after the death of a loved one, especially for those who have existing heart conditions.
O’Connor’s research Show that blood pressure rises during mourning waves, with the most important increase in those who have the most difficulty processing their grief.
In the first weeks and months after her son’s death, the symptoms of Faber include extremely high blood pressure, heart palpitations, muscle spasms and headache attacks. She also suffered from memory loss, chronic fatigue, a weakened immune system, inability to sleep, PTSD, panic attacks and stress -induced early osteopenia or low bone density.
“I had been healthy, but from one day to the next I have 1000 years old,” said Faber. Ten years later she continues to have problems with her blood pressure and bone loss.
Study Show that markers of cardiovascular disease such as blood pressure and heartbeat tend to return to the basic line within about six months most people. However, O’Connor emphasized that this timeline varies greatly between individuals. For those who experience chronic sadness stress – where the intensity and frequency of mourning waves have not been taken – physical symptoms can continue to exist, causing extra wear of the body.
Dealing with the physical impact of sorrow
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O’Connor emphasized that experiencing physical symptoms during sadness is completely normal. “You are not broken because you feel sorrow in your body,” she said. Because mourning is a time of an increased medical risk, these symptoms may not be ignored.
For those who experience the physical toll of sorrow, O’Connor and Faber gave some advice.
- Regularly receive medical care: Many people who provided a terminally ill loved one have neglected their own health. Plan routine checks to identify problems such as hypertension early.
- Consider both conventional and alternative treatments: Faber found a combination approach useful. She visited her care provider and received medication to lower her blood pressure, but also sought alternative, holistic treatments. She discovered that water therapy (sports in a hospital swimming pool), gardening, walking in the forest and Pilates helped her.
- Make contact with nature and soft movement: “I spent as much time as possible as I could in nature, plant trees and work in the vegetable garden in the soft company of my cats and dogs,” Faber shared. Research Supports this approach and finds that nature -based activities can help to reduce stress hormones.
- Find community support: “Find a support network where you can fully express your grief, albeit by regularly attending funeral sessions with others, or online mourning groups,” Faber advised. “Suppressed sadness will only come up later and inevitably make us sick.”
- Be aware of harmful coping -mechanisms: “Avoid alcohol; don’t try self -mediating,” warned Faber, following the warning from O’Connor that the use of substances of sensitive feelings of physical tension can add to an already strict body.
- Practice self -compassion: Give yourself extra time, attention and understanding during this physically demanding time.
A journey, no recovery
“Learning to live again after traumatic loss is not about recovery or survival,” Faber said. “It is about slowly painful and tiring sadness to come to a point of acceptance, a place where we can tie back into life and find joy again.”
O’Connor suggests in the same way that paying attention to our physical answers us helps to honor our connections. “We really honor our loved one by noticing how our body changed to their absence,” she said.
For those who currently experience the physical toll of sorrow, Faber emphasized that there is no timeline for healing. “In these 10 years my grief has not disappeared, but has become softer; it is just below the surface,” Faber said. “It is not much for me to touch the deep sorrow that I feel by knowing that my son no longer lives, but in some ways I now live more intensively and I appreciate every day of every day.”
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