Fourteen days ago a psychologist gave me a life -changing diagnosis: obsessive compulsive disorder.
Also known as OCD, it is a serious mental health status characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions.
I was not shocked – it was something of a Lightbulb moment. As a health reporter with a special interest in mental health, I had had my suspicions.
But it was also furious. Before that, doctors – since my early teenage years – got this from this that I was suffering from fear.
I had used medication that only seemed to control my problems. And I had hundreds of hours of therapy, which I had found relatively useless. Now I know why.
Most people have heard of OCD – it is part of the vernacular to say that people who are just neat and tidy are ‘a little OCD’.
Footballer David Beckham has it and claims that it manifests itself as a necessity to control Pepsi in pairs in his fridge.
“Fourteen days ago a psychologist gave me a life -changing diagnosis: obsessive compulsive disorder,” writes Eve Simmons
Actress Megan Fox, another patient, says she had so much fear of germs that she would wash her hands until they bleed.
Compulsive switching of lights on and off, endless checking whether you have locked the front door and counting paving cracks are other known symptoms.
But I have not experienced any of these things. My possessions are not kept in an orderly way (you should see the condition of my Soklay). And I often forget to lock the door.
According to experts I am far from alone. “Many people are incorrectly diagnosed for widespread misconceptions about what the situation actually is,” says Dr. Lynne Drummond, a consultant psychiatrist who specializes in OCD.
“Without the right treatment, many are withdrawn and disconnected from daily life.”
Although official statistics suggest that between 750,000 and a million people in the UK are diagnosed with OCD, studies show that it takes nine years before experts can recognize it – which means that thousands probably fall through the cracks.
My own story starts at the age of 15, when I was first hit by an attack of extreme fear.
I wrote about this in the post on Sunday – and the decision of my friendly doctor to give me antidepressants. I also wrote about how medication helped to a certain extent when I needed it since then. But what I did not admit is the disturbing nature of the thoughts that I could not function. The thought that I ended up in a psychiatric clinic of adolescents – where psychologists debated whether I should keep myself at night – was this: what if I wanted to kill myself?
I would be terrified of sharp objects and medicines, because I had convinced myself that I could not be trusted around them. For everyone who knew me, this was bizarre.
I had never felt depressed. I was a relatively happy teenager, satisfied with my regular life consisting of gossip and weekend trips in the class to the local shopping center. However, I was a frightened child who sometimes got fixed on potential catastrophes.
When I could not shake that specific thought, it was concluded that I was suffering an acute period of fear and depression that I know it was wrong.
I was offered eight sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) together with the medication, and my mother was instructed to keep an eye on and bring myself back to the clinic if she suspected that I was about to harm myself.
I’ve never done it. Within a few days I had completely forgotten it and was back to worry about my outfit for a non-uniform day.
This cycle has become a theme in my life. In times of stress, my brain dreams something that I am afraid of and honor in it, which takes all my attention. It will be everything I can think of, so I show fear.
Medication helps to take the lead and I have become good at talking of the ledge.
But it’s not easy.
Now I have an urgent reason to sort out my mental health forever: I am eight months pregnant and want to be as fit as possible for my newborn son. For the past six months I have spent hunting on podcasts, articles and books about pre- and postnatal mental health to arm myself with information that could prevent a flare-up.
But nothing I heard or read with me. Most of what I found, focused on birth anxiety or fears to be a bad mother. Only one podcast called true actress Kimberley Nixon in the life of Bryony of the postnatal OCD postnatal and describes a paralyzing fear that she could harm her baby.
Kimberley Nixon in the life of the post of Bryony who describes postnatale OCD and a paralyzing fear that she could harm her baby
She did not act on coercion, but trapped in obsessive loops and wondered if she was secretly bad. Her story echoed mine. I am afraid that I could harm children, I was careful or put my partner down after I heard a podcast about Sex Pistols star Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spunden. I knew I wouldn’t do that – but the ‘what if’ was debilitating.
I fixed myself on my sexuality and the development of romantic feelings for female friends – and whether I would have a psychotic break.
These are all usual OCD themes, experts say. In some cases they go hand in hand with compulsive behavior – the hand wash, checking ditches, counting cracks – that help patients relieve mental torment. But that is not always the case – for some patients the compulsive bit is all in the mind. And this is not always clear to the patient.
“Patients can perform all kinds of mental exercises related to the intrusive thought,” says Dr. Drummond. “I had a patient who feared that he had had sex with strangers and forgot it somehow.
“He would try to take back the steps of every romantic encounter that he should have” checked “for evidence. Sometimes you have to go deep to find out what the forced range is. Often patients do not know that they do it. ‘
I now recognize my unordered mental habits that usually followed intrusive thoughts. I would search my memory for proof that I was capable of the terrible deeds that chased me – fix on small violations, such as arguments with my brother, as proof that I was secretly a psychopath.
I would compare my behavior with that of my friends in everyday situations – in restaurants, out for drinks – to train if I was normal.
I find all this difficult to articulate, so they are not surprising general practitioners and countless psychiatrists did not pick it up.
One US study of 2015 asked GPS to identify a variety of fictional OCD cases. It discovered that half was unable to recognize the situation, but the failure percentage was lower for people with OCD with infection theme-the most famous, but not particularly common, type.
“The story of Kimberly Nixon (photo) repeated mine,” writes Eve Simmons. ‘I am afraid that I could harm children, I was careful or put my partner down after I heard a podcast about sex loop -star Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spunden’
Dr. Drummond says that there are ‘important differences’ between fear and OCD. The nature of worrying in generalized anxiety disorder tends to relate to the daily life of the patient – for example work, relationships or money, Dr. Drummond from, author of everything you need to know about OCD. The fears in OCD are now extreme, catastrophic and usually represent the opposite end of the moral values of a person.
Although the thoughts and worries in the generalized anxiety disorder are often ‘volatile’, they are repetitive in Ovs and let you feel that you urgently have to do something ‘, Dr. Drummond says.
“To diagnose OCD, I am looking for annoying pushy thoughts or images that penetrate someone’s spirit and they feel unable to dismiss them.”
Before 2022, OCD was considered an anxiety disorder, according to the DSM, a medical manual for every diagnosis of mental health and its symptoms. But in the latest version it is mentioned as its own, separate state.
The gold standard treatment for generalized anxiety disorder is CBT with a low to moderate dose of the antidepressants SSRI.
“Research shows that traditional CBT OCD symptoms can make worse,” says Joshua Fletcher, a psychotherapist who specializes in OCS and host of the podcast -wanordinous disorderly.
“The therapist often pays too much attention to the intrusive idea, which worsens the ruminations that control the condition.”
This stood with me – it just never felt like therapists knew what to say when I tried to explain what was going on in my mind.
Poor treatment can have devastating consequences. People with OCD are five times more likely to die from suicide and are confronted with higher risks of early death due to conditions such as heart disorders, lung problems and hormonal disorders, according to the Karolinska Institute of Sweden.
They are also 92 percent more likely to die in accidents. Dr. Drummond says that this can be due to the insulation that OCD can cause.
The most effective treatment is exposure and response prevention (ERP), a targeted form of CBT. But in many areas only standard CBT is available.
‘In some parts of British patients, courses for anxiety management are offered [virtual group therapy to teach stress-relieving skills]. In others, patients are told that their case is too serious for the local services to process. It all means that we are poorly failing people with OCD. ‘Official guidelines also recommend higher than usual SSRI doses. “The studies show that high doses are needed to see the most important advantage of OCD,” says Dr. Drummond.
This year was not the first time I had suspicions about my youth diagnosis. I had questioned it in my early 1920s, when I developed anorexia – even though I had had a famous healthy appetite.
Obsessive calorie counting and meal planning became a derivation of the parts of life that felt out of hand.
Proof suggests a neurological connection between anorexia and OCD. One study showed that both abnormalities in the decision -making region of the brain entail. Another shows one in 20 anorexia patients who later develop OCS.
“Many of the patients I see also have eating disorders,” says Fletcher. “It’s a similar mechanism. You have identified something as a threat – foods or arriving – and decided that it requires all your attention. ‘
About a month ago I contacted a highly recommended OCD specialist. Within five minutes she recognized my episodes as ‘typical OCD’. I still have to have my next session, but I’m looking forward to it.
I also raised my antidepressants, under the guidance of my doctor. I don’t know if it will work. But if there is nothing else, I hope that this trip will teach my expectant son something important: if something doesn’t work, try again.
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